Taking on 2013 and hoping to revitalize my life

Mixed Bag of Emotions

mixed bagYesterday was a mixed bag of emotions for me. It started out great, I was getting things done, I even purchased a badminton racket so I could join a local group that plays on Tues evenings. (I’ll post about the badminton group after I go for the first time.) And then I decided to do some job searching because, I’m unemployed you know. Normally I can find at least one or two jobs that I may consider applying for, yesterday I found none. That’s right, a big fat ZERO, goose egg, nothin’. For some reason this hit me hard and I experienced a bit of a panic attack. I never have panic attacks but I felt like I was actually starting to hyperventilate.

It’s getting very close to being 4 months of unemployment, and while I am enjoying my time off on some days, reality smacked me in the face yesterday. I’m a single Mom with no other source of income other than a job, no spouse or boyfriend to help me make ends meet until I land on my feet. Luckily I do have some savings but that won’t last forever.

So I spent the evening moping, being inside my head and feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes it is hard to engage in positive psychology when all you want to do is curl up in a little ball. I know that one of the keys to being happy in life is to learn how to be happy by yourself, and appreciate all that you have but last night I could not find the strength to be nice to myself. Then I reached out to a friend of mine.

Roy and I (I’ve changed his name to protect the innocent 😉 ) met through an online dating site if you can believe it. Although we didn’t go on to date, somehow we managed to become friends. He’s single by choice due to his career and I knew that he would be awake since he doesn’t sleep that much, so I sent him a text at 11pm. He called me after a few texts and although he did most of the talking I felt so much better afterwards. He shared his own trials and tribulations along with a funny story or two. Then he told me about how he “rebooted” his own life a couple of years ago using positive psychology (although he didn’t call it that it was the same premise).  He let me know that not every day can be a fantastic day, some will be sucky but if you keep applying positivity to your life things will continue to get better. He also told me that it took him 2 years to reach the point where he feels that his life is good every day. Since I’ve only been plugging at this for a few months I guess I’m still in the learning curve.

I do appreciate having this “free” time to explore my life, my thoughts, my patterns of doing things. Instead of rush, rush, rush I can contemplate why I do things the way I do and how to improve myself. But this gift comes with a cost that sometimes I don’t know how to digest well.

I’m glad I reached out to Roy last night. It is hard to go through all of this by yourself sometimes. It’s nice to have someone to listen to you, who you can be yourself with and who cares about you. I wanted to deepen my relationships this year and make them more meaningful. I think reaching out when I was struggling last night to a friend really helped and is a step in the right direction.


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