Since yesterday was Valentine’s Day I thought it would be the perfect time to share some of my recent experiences in online dating.
First of all let me start by telling you that I have been on and off online dating sites for the past 3 years. So perhaps you would think I’m an expert at it now. Let me tell you I’m not, far from it. I have learned a few things though.
- I would say that around 75% of the people on dating sites are not looking for anything serious. There are plenty of options to choose from when setting up your profile but choosing dating, friends or relationship can all mean different things to different people. Everyone has arrived on the dating site with their own personal experiences, beliefs, thoughts and objectives and they are probably not the same as yours, lol.
- People lie. They may say they are looking for something serious but they really aren’t, they may say they are single but they aren’t, they may post pictures of themselves from 10 years ago or of someone else completely. It’s really just a complete circus so you have to trust your gut. If something doesn’t seem to jive then just move on, there will eventually be someone else to chat with.
- Keep an eye out for red flags. There are loads of people that are fresh out of relationships and haven’t dealt with that yet or people bringing heaps of baggage with them. Be sure to ask questions of them and of yourself, for example, why is this 40 year old guy living with his parents? What does drink more than 3 times/wk mean? Why hasn’t he kept in contact with his kids? How come his longest relationship was less than a year? If none of this stuff matters to you then you’ll find someone pretty quick, if you have concerns when you hear the answers to these questions then consider that before you agree to go out.
- People will ask you to have sex with them on a regular and constant basis. You may not even have any photos posted and they will still ask. People also want to talk about sex on a regular basis. Again, if that’s all you are looking for then with any luck you can find it quickly. If you want something more, you will have to wade through a lot of frogs to find a prince.
- If someone strikes your fancy make plans to meet sooner than later. Online chemistry and real-life chemistry are not always the same thing. Although you may be hitting it off great with someone through emails or messages, the real test of whether there will be a second date or not is after you meet them in person.
- People will stop talking to you for no reason, they will ignore your messages and some of the things you write will be mis-interpreted. It’s part of the process. It doesn’t make it awesome but if you know about this beforehand than you won’t feel so slighted when it happens to you.
I’ve learned plenty more things as well, but, I was supposed to tell you about one of my recent experiences so we’ll save the rest for another time and get onto the story.
I was chatting with Mark for quite awhile (according to my online dating standards ;)) and decided to ask him if he wanted to meet. There had been no obvious red flags and it seemed like the time to meet in-person. He quickly agreed so we started to make plans. I thought it was odd when he suggested dinner and then swimming (in February) as our first “date” but I figured that I could bow out after dinner if things didn’t go well so I agreed. Next he offered to buy me a bikini, I declined letting him know that I don’t wear bikinis, lol. Now this is more than one odd thing but I thought that maybe he was joking about the bikini.
Until….. he asked me if he could tell me what to wear for our dinner. I was surprised so said “Seriously?” He said yes, because he liked to be in charge. Well that WAS a deal breaker for me. I’m not really the demure, do what your told type and don’t ask any questions, so I told him I didn’t think it was going to work out with us. He asked why not so I explained to him that I didn’t want anyone bossing me around and making all of my decisions for me. He said “Oh” and that was the end of our plans. Another one bites the dust, lol.
The funny thing is, if I hadn’t cancelled with him I wouldn’t have messaged someone else. The new guy and I actually met for the first time last night, yes on Valentine’s Day, and it went well!! We are going out again on Sunday. I’m pretty picky and that doesn’t happen very often for me so I am pleasantly surprised.
Stay tuned for the next dating adventure, you just never know what will happen when you try online dating.