Last night, I met some peeps at the local pool hall, not the grungy kind, the chain kind that is a mishmash of people ranging from grungy to everyday folks. At one point there were 7 girls and 2 guys in our group. The 2 guys were off playing pool at one table and the 7 girls were playing pool and chatting around another.
Just as the conversation of ordering some pizza came up a man approached us gals. Now picture this, he’s probably somewhere in his mid 50’s with a pretty sizeable beer gut and some classy red t-shirt on. He interrupts our conversation to tell us he’s here with his 2 friends, one of whom is a musician. Then he proceeds to start his next sentence with “None of you are skinny” followed by “but you are all gorgeous”. Wha??? Seriously, what kind of back-handed compliment is that?
He does continue on to let us know that he likes women with some meat on them because skinny girls are breakable, etc, etc. But really, by this point the compliment has been buried under the first part of his sentence.
After he left, one of the girls said that if his statement had been delivered by a 30 year old man dressed for success then she would have been all “oh no you didn’t” but because he was some older, bizarre guy with a beer belly that his statement was acceptable as a compliment. We could read between the lines and tell that he meant no harm by it, he really thought we were good looking.
But my thoughts were more along the lines of if he really wanted to compliment us then why did he need to start his sentence with “none of you are skinny”. A real compliment would have just jumped right to the gorgeousness part wouldn’t it? I mean yes, all 7 of us were a variety of shapes and sizes but we all looked good.
North America is a little weight fixated, especially when it comes to women. I can’t imagine anyone ever walking up to a guy or group of guys and saying “None of you are skinny but you all look great”. Why are women either too skinny, too fat or even when they are pretty average – the average size of our group was probably about a size 12 – people still feel the need to address weight when it comes to attractiveness?
Now what can I say, I am trying to lose some weight. But I’m not trying super hard :P. I am not dieting and exercising everyday, I am just trying to eat better and be more active so that I can live longer and be healthy. That is what people should strive for. There is no perfect size when it comes to women, some are skinny, some are fat, some are in-between but they can all be gorgeous. People that exude confidence and always have a smile on their face are often seen as more attractive and those qualities have nothing to do with weight.
Let’s not make being attractive be about the size of your body or your weight. Let’s make it about being happy with who you are and being healthy, because attractive is in the eye of the beholder and comes in all shapes and sizes.