People Will Treat You the Way that You Allow Yourself to be Treated.
This thought has been banging around inside my head for weeks now. It’s not a subtle thought that slips into my mind unnoticed, it is a loud, crashing thought that has been reverberating around my brain clanging symbols and beating drums. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Almost a month ago I broke up with my friend Tom, the reason being is that it has always been an unbalanced relationship. I have some great friends who love and support me and I feel like there is give and take in our relationships. With Tom, it felt like he was taking more than he was giving most of the time and I finally decided that I’d had enough.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t miss him, I do. There were some positive aspects to our friendship but I feel that I am better off without the constant threat of disappointment over my head or the actual disappointment creeping into my life on a regular basis. Does this mean I will never hear from Tom again, who knows? But at this point in time he knows that he has not been the friend I deserve and has quietly retreated and not tried to contact me.
Now let’s talk about Kirk. I was “dating” Kirk when he realized that he still had feelings for his ex. For some reason we kept texting each other after he shared his confusion. I think we said that we were going to stop talking twice and then resumed in spite of that fact. We discussed how he needed time to figure things out and I told him that I was going to start dating other guys. He said that made him feel jealous but he deserved it. And so on and so forth.
Last night we had a big conversation and he came to the conclusion (or so he said) that his ex was not interested in getting back together and he should realize what he had right in front of him. We made plans to see each other tonight.
This morning he texted me to cancel. His boss is in town, he has to go out with him, blah, blah, blah. Why am I such an idiot? This is not the first time this man has blown me off. He has made excuse upon excuse as to why he can’t see me. He is obviously not ready for any type of relationship. I have put myself out there again and again and occasionally he rewards my good behaviour. I’m feeling like some forlorn puppy who will accept any scrap of affection after hours or days or weeks of inattention.
So today I am really breaking up with Kirk. I will not text him first nor will I reply to his texts. It will take an immense amount of willpower as for some reason I feel drawn to him. But whatever this is, it is not a positive relationship and I will not allow myself to be treated so poorly any more.
I keep trying to invite positive relationships into my life. Perhaps the next one will be better.