Remember in the days of olde, when you were dating someone and you actually talked to each other in person? I know, not everyone remembers that far back but some of you know what I’m talking about. Then when you decided not to see each other any more, someone actually had the balls to say “I think we should see other people” or “It’s not you, it’s me”. Remember those days when people respected each other enough to break up with words?
In today’s age of instant communication you can talk to someone every minute of the day whether you are face-to-face or not. This often means that when two people like each other they text or IM or email A LOT.
So in my experience when I first start dating someone there are a flurry of messages back and forth. You know, when everyone is on their best behaviour and trying to impress the other person. As you continue to date, sometimes the flurry of messages turns into a drizzle as it is hard to keep up the flurry (people have lives and work you know). But no one suspects anything is wrong, just that the tempo of things has decreased a bit.
Then out of nowhere, the drizzle turns into a trickle with messages once a day or every second day instead of every second minute. And at this point someone is left to wonder WTH is going on. But instead of talking in person, because you don’t actually have time to see each other, you mutter to yourself but keep quiet about the issue.
I know that people complain about people breaking up with each other in emails, texts and IMs but I will take that over the alternative which is to just stop messaging each other.
For instance, there was this guy that I was dating and we were having a hard time coordinating schedules (which is par for the course in single parent dating) but we finally managed to arrange a time to grab lunch together. Apparently he wanted to break up with me but felt self-conscious or something doing it in public. So he called me after the date to do it but was too afraid again I guess, so it just seemed like he was being sweet, calling me within minutes of just seeing me. Eventually he emailed me to tell me he was breaking up with me. He told me that he felt bad doing it by email and that he’d like to see me so he could explain things in person, then he tried to schedule our break-up for two weeks in the future. I told him that I was good with the email and we should just leave it at that. Can you imagine scheduling a break-up meeting like an exit interview?
The funny thing about this story is that I would take the email compared to the last break-up I endured and to the one that is coming. Kirk sent me a text to say that he wasn’t sure if he still had feelings for his ex. He said that we’d talk later. I didn’t reply because I had heard that story before. I figured that he would text me later so we could talk it out. He never did. I did not hear from him again.
I feel that something similar is going to happen with Sven. His schedule is ridiculous, for someone who does not live with his kids, he sees them all of the time. That is great for him but less great for someone who thought they were dating him. Plus the texts are getting down to the trickle phase. I just wish that he would man up and send me a note that says “I thought I was ready to date but I’m sorry, I’m not” or anything close to that would suffice. Instead, I feel like if I stopped texting him tomorrow, it’s possible that I would never hear from him again.
The worst part is that I’m oblivious to what happened with Sven, one minute he can’t bear to not see me (ok more like a couple of weeks ago) and the next minute he can’t fit me into his schedule and barely texts any more. If what he’s telling me is true, he does have a lot of personal stuff going on right now and I knew that he was only recently separated which was the perfect reason not to date him but I did anyway so it’s my own damn fault so in theory I should just try to be patient and this will all work itself out. But it feels like the imminent break-up is coming and he’s just being non-confrontational.
I’ll let it go for a few more days and then perhaps I’ll push a meeting, even if it is just lunch or something. And then if things are still weird I can break up with him. I’m the type that prefers closure to the alternative in case you hadn’t picked that up yet.