So Dan and I broke up unexpectedly this weekend. At least it was unexpected for me.
A few weeks ago we made plans to go away this weekend. It was going to be quick little overnight but just something to get us out of town and away from everything. In fact, he told me he was going to take Friday afternoon off so he could get to my place earlier and we could leave earlier.
A couple of weeks ago, Dan and I started texting just the tiniest bit less. Then about a week ago I asked him if everything was all right as it seemed like I was hearing from him less. He said things were fine, just that he was really missing me. ‘Aw, how sweet,’ you’re thinking. And I thought that too.
We haven’t been able to connect in person for the past two weeks, the longest since we started going out. Things just didn’t come together as planned. I expected this at some point as I have tried long-distance dating before. Apparently Dan was unaware of how difficult things might be. In addition to this, I guess he had a bad week. Although I wouldn’t really know since he kind of stopped talking to me about stuff like that. I was oblivious and still thought we were going away this weekend.
On Friday morning I texted him and said, “I hope that you are still coming up tonight”. No response. At 2pm I messaged him again. This time he wrote back that he’d been really busy with work, things were going wrong and his brother wanted to come visit. I replied back and asked what that meant. No response. Then I told him I was done work and heading home. No response. Finally I texted that I wish I wasn’t talking to myself. He wrote back, “I’m sorry. I’m trying to do 6 things at once and it’s not going great.” I asked if he was still coming to my place. No response. I offered to drive to his place for the weekend instead. He gave a non-answer and basically said he was having a bad day and that his place was a mess. I read between that lines and said, “So you don’t want me to go there and you’re not coming here. Got it.” He said,”Please don’t take offence it’s just been a bad few days. I’m sorry.”
Wow! I wasn’t expecting that. Everything cancelled at the 11th hour and I had no idea it was coming. Needless to say, I took some offence. I didn’t reply then. Last night, at 1am, I replied after I hadn’t heard from him in more than 24 hours, which never happens. I basically said that I couldn’t believe that I was writing to him first and why didn’t he call me to explain what had happened since he didn’t explain it in his note.
He replied at 10:51 this morning with a sorry that he didn’t call. He explained a bit (as much as you can in a text message) that he had had a crappy week and nothing went right. Then he said that one of the hardest things is dealing with the long distance thing. He thought he would be able to handle it better but it’s been difficult. Then he said he was busy and would call later.
Let me just state that by this time I am really not happy. So I sent him a long email saying that I was a little angry that he hadn’t talked to me about what was going on. I gave him my perspective and then waited for a response. When I still hadn’t gotten a call 3.5 hours later I just decided to send the break up email. I figured why should I wait for him to do it..
My schedule is only going to get worse over the next several months since the ex is going to be travelling so much. If we can’t make the long distance thing work now, there is no way we are going to make it work two months or even one month from now.
I’m disappointed in how things turned out. I really thought that we could at least get to this summer and evaluate things then. I guess not.
Dating as a grown woman with kids is hard. Dating someone else who has kids and lives 2.5 hours away is ridiculous. I should have known better.