Taking on 2013 and hoping to revitalize my life

Benefactor of Craziness

So Sven is coming to Vancouver with me. It’s true. I still find the whole thing surprising.

Here’s what happened:

When I started hanging out with Sven again (about 2.5 weeks ago) he told me he was planning a trip to Vegas with friends in June. The plan was to go with a couple and a single friend and the four of them would hang out. I was a little jealous at first as Sven was planning on going on a trip and I wasn’t, that was, until I planned my own adventures, then I got over it.

Anyway, yesterday he asked me if I wanted to go to Vegas too.  I was a little suspicious so I asked if he was feeling a little third-wheelish. He said he was since the single friend was now inviting someone to come. However, he assured me that he wanted to hang out with me and that we would have fun. After a little texting back and forth I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and asked him when the trip was. Unfortunately, the dates corresponded to some of the time my ex is out-of-town so I couldn’t go. He seemed genuinely disappointed.

So half-seriously I told him he should ditch his friends and come with me to Vancouver. Surprisingly, his interest was immediate and 40 minutes later he had booked his ticket!!!

Now, picture me with my mouth gaping open in astonishment.

I’m sure we’ll have a great time and I don’t regret asking him for a second but I was not expecting him to say yes and certainly not so quickly. His reasoning is that he has decided to do more crazy things these days. So I am the first benefactor of his craziness and I get a travel companion for my trip. I’m pretty excited!

I really think we’ll have a great time. Neither of us has been to Vancouver before and both of us really want to go. Seems like a recipe for good times to me.

I’m uber excited!!! Adventure is coming my way! During the last few days, I decided to take my kids on a road trip to see Katy Perry this summer and my boss asked me if I want to go to Vancouver next month!!

I know, can you believe it?

The road trip was kind of a spur of the moment idea and will cost big bucks but the 3 of us will have an A-MAZING time. I was actually considering not going when I discussed it with Sven and he said I should definitely do it.

I thought he would be all practical and say it was a lot of money, but what he said was, “Do it, you won’t regret it.” And I’m quite sure that I won’t regret it. Plus, it will be so exciting and it will make an awesome memory so I put down a deposit and we are doing it!!!

vancouverThe day after that, my boss asked me if I wanted to go to a conference in Vancouver. First of all, I’ll be working a booth and forced to network which I hate,but the conference is definitely going to interesting and I`ll be exposed to a different culture, plus I get to go to Vancouver and I have never been before! I’m so excited about going that even the thought of exploring Vancouver by myself has not got me down. I’m going to bring my camera, take some pictures and just enjoy.

I have been itching to go somewhere for ages and this trip to Vancouver falls on a week that I can actually go and leave the kids with their Dad. And it will be Springtime and there’ll be mountains and the Pacific ocean and flowers and grass. I am all over that! Can you tell I’m excited?

I was hoping for travel adventures with other people but that plan fell through so I’m just going to suck it up and have my own adventure! And then have another one with my kids. Adventures are good for the soul so I’m glad that I have grabbed both opportunities.

I think there are always the possibilities of adventures, you just have to agree to take part in them. I’m really excited that I said YES!

 

Woo hoo, I’m 45!

I had my birthday over the weekend. Woo hoo, I’m 45!

I don’t feel 45. I wonder if people ever feel their age as they get older. I suppose, on those days when you are creakier than others you probably do. But for me, I still feel like I’m in my 30s.

Some of my friends were organizing a girls night out and it was just the thing I needed on my birthday weekend! The 8 of us had a fantastic time and it was so great to see all of them. We chatted and laughed and drank, it was just what the doctor ordered. My drink of the evening was a waterfall martini and my friend Jess felt the need to keep buying me more. Thanks Jess!!IMG_20140321_224504

And apparently when you are drinking lots of martinis, you feel the need to take bathroom selfies and send them to old boyfriends, lol. Oh well, at least I look pretty good for 45.

So what did I get for my birthday other than lots of martinis?

I got myself new boots and recycled an old boyfriend for my birthday. Sven and I went out a couple of times earlier in the week as friends but last night we went on our first date again. It was good, I like him. Is he a perfect match for me? I doubt it, but maybe we’ll be able to be better together this time. He was on his best behaviour last night and is really trying to make up for some of our previous misunderstandings.

I’m allowed to have fun, I’m not dead yet. I’m only 45.

I thought I was a pretty good judge of character. I thought I had a pretty good idea of who Dan was as a person. But this break-up has been an eye opener.

This man told me on a regular basis how much he really liked me. He texted all the time. Drove that 2.5 hour drive way more than I did. Met my kids and I met his. And yet the break-up seemed so out of character with what I would have expected.

He told me before that he was non-confrontational. But this is at a level I have never seen before. So that leads me to believe that it could be one of two things. One, he is so devastated by not being able to deal with the long-distance part of things that he can’t bear to see or talk to me again because it just hurts too much or two, the whole relationship wasn’t really real and now he just wishes I would go away.

They are just such extremes I’m not sure which one it is. Or perhaps it is something that I’m not even aware of now that I have learned that communication is not his strong suit. He could be harbouring any kind of reason that I know nothing of.

I talked to him on Monday night. I’m quite sure the only reason he called me was out of guilt. I haven’t contacted him again until today. I sent him a text to tell him I was going to his town for work. I am, next Tuesday. I asked him if he wanted to see me because I still would like to talk face-to-face. He texted me to tell me he was busy with the kids and would text me later. Later just didn’t come. So obviously I have my answer, he does not want to see me.

This is all just a little hard on my head. Like I said, I thought I knew who he was and I never would have expected this kind of treatment from him. A little bit of common courtesy would have been nice. Anyway, I no longer want to feel like a stalker so I guess I’ll try to let it go. It’s a bit harder than I expected though.

Maybe another man would help me get over him. Did I mention that I have started talking to Sven again this week? I have, we’ve gone out to dinner. There may have been flirting. I know Sven drove me a little crazy but I laid all of my cards on the table and we had a BIG talk. We cleared the air. I don’t expect immediate perfection but I do suspect things will be good for at least a little while.

And hopefully, I’m a better judge of character when it comes to Sven. Even if we aren’t perfect for each other, I hope we’re honest.

I finally got Dan to talk to me. I had to use guilt but it worked. I told him that he really hurt my feelings. It’s the truth, he really did.

First of all, no one likes it when someone breaks up with them, but when the person does it in such a cowardly way, in such a surprising and cowardly way, it really does hurt your feelings.

I don’t feel any better now that I have had some semblance of an explanation from Dan. He hasn’t been talking to me. He is stressed to the max about money and work and his ex and the long-distanceness of us and he let it get to him. He let it get to him in an unhealthy way that also involved shutting me out.

He made me do the dirty work of saying, “We shouldn’t see each other any more.” But I still feel like he broke up with me. I don’t think I’ll try dating long distance again. It always ends poorly.

I’ll be fine though. I didn’t believe in my heart that this could work out (well I didn’t believe it about 85% worth). I did believe that I could fall in love with Dan if I let it happen. I also saw the warning signs that he would probably break my heart in about 5 – 10 years if I let it happen so I guess it’s for the best that it’s over.

I need someone who can communicate. I’m not the best communicator myself, although I do try. But I really need someone who can talk to me. I guess everyone needs that.

So Dan and I broke up unexpectedly this weekend. At least it was unexpected for me.

A few weeks ago we made plans to go away this weekend. It was going to be quick little overnight but just something to get us out of town and away from everything. In fact, he told me he was going to take Friday afternoon off so he could get to my place earlier and we could leave earlier.

A couple of weeks ago, Dan and I started texting just the tiniest bit less. Then about a week ago I asked him if everything was all right as it seemed like I was hearing from him less. He said things were fine, just that he was really missing me. ‘Aw, how sweet,’ you’re thinking. And I thought that too.

We haven’t been able to connect in person for the past two weeks, the longest since we started going out. Things just didn’t come together as planned. I expected this at some point as I have tried long-distance dating before. Apparently Dan was unaware of how difficult things might be. In addition to this, I guess he had a bad week. Although I wouldn’t really know since he kind of stopped talking to me about stuff like that. I was oblivious and still thought we were going away this weekend.

On Friday morning I texted him and said, “I hope that you are still coming up tonight”. No response. At 2pm I messaged him again. This time he wrote back that he’d been really busy with work, things were going wrong and his brother wanted to come visit. I replied back and asked what that meant. No response. Then I told him I was done work and heading home. No response. Finally I texted that I wish I wasn’t talking to myself. He wrote back, “I’m sorry. I’m trying to do 6 things at once and it’s not going great.” I asked if he was still coming to my place. No response. I offered to drive to his place for the weekend instead. He gave a non-answer and basically said he was having a bad day and that his place was a mess. I read between that lines and said, “So you don’t want me to go there and you’re not coming here. Got it.” He said,”Please don’t take offence it’s just been a bad few days. I’m sorry.”

Wow! I wasn’t expecting that. Everything cancelled at the 11th hour and I had no idea it was coming. Needless to say, I took some offence. I didn’t reply then. Last night, at 1am, I replied after I hadn’t heard from him in more than 24 hours, which never happens. I basically said that I couldn’t believe that I was writing to him first and why didn’t he call me to explain what had happened since he didn’t explain it in his note.

He replied at 10:51 this morning with a sorry that he didn’t call. He explained a bit (as much as you can in a text message) that he had had a crappy week and nothing went right. Then he said that one of the hardest things is dealing with the long distance thing. He thought he would be able to handle it better but it’s been difficult. Then he said he was busy and would call later.

Let me just state that by this time I am really not happy. So I sent him a long email saying that I was a little angry that he hadn’t talked to me about what was going on. I gave him my perspective and then waited for a response. When I still hadn’t gotten a call 3.5 hours later I just decided to send the break up email. I figured why should I wait for him to do it..

My schedule is only going to get worse over the next several months since the ex is going to be travelling so much. If we can’t make the long distance thing work now, there is no way we are going to make it work two months or even one month from now.

I’m disappointed in how things turned out. I really thought that we could at least get to this summer and evaluate things then. I guess not.

Dating as a grown woman with kids is hard. Dating someone else who has kids and lives 2.5 hours away is ridiculous. I should have known better.

What would happen if I got on a plane tomorrow? What would happen if I called in sick and told my ex I needed him to take the kids for the weekend? What would happen if I just ran away for a few days?

Somewhere warm and tropical and away from here. Just me and a beach and a good book. Maybe some fruity cocktails.

I bet the world wouldn’t fall apart. I bet life would just keep ticking on. Tick, tick, tick.

I wish I was going to do it. But I’m pretty sure I won’t. I’m pretty sure I’ll go into the office just like every other day. My life needs more adventure.

Tag Cloud