Taking on 2013 and hoping to revitalize my life

Posts tagged ‘Anger’

The First Falling Out – More Dating Adventures

Angry Penguin

Angry Penguin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sven and I had our first falling out last night.

We’ve been seeing each other for 6 weeks but I’m not really sure you could call us a couple. I guess we fall under the category of “dating”. Neither one of us is seeing anyone else and we’ve seen a fair amount of each other in the last 6 weeks but things have been going very slow. I’m OK with that, normally I rush into things so slower is a good change of pace this time.

However this slowness does not mean that nothing is happening. Yesterday I bared a little bit of my soul to Sven and I was surprised by the response. Perhaps surprised is the wrong word, more like miffed or upset or just generally pissed off. He treated the whole thing with a kind of nonchalance or even dismissal that I didn’t appreciate. I explained why I was upset and he said that he felt like a jerk about it but I don’t feel better.

I’ve been trying to deal with my angry feelings, I wrote about them last night to try to acknowledge and release them but the positive result was short-lived. The angry feelings keep returning. I know that I will forgive him at some point but right now I’m irritated and I can’t seem to let it go. I thought that if I messaged him today and told him how I felt I could finally resolve things. He agrees that we should talk but wants to do it in person so that puts everything on the back burner.

I need to resolve this for me NOW. I don’t want to carry these angry feelings around all weekend. I need to dispel them, I need to figure out how to move past them. You would think that I would have the tools at my disposal to alleviate this anger but personal growth is hard work. I’m hoping that writing things out here will help and I think I will try meditating this afternoon. I want to have a good weekend and free myself from negativity.

Maybe some exercise will do the trick. I should go for a walk and clear my head. Time to get off the computer I guess ;).

Dealing with Negative Feelings and Increasing Creativity

I’m taking the WINS writing course and it really focuses on creativity and ways to get your writing to flow. SARK states that one of the things that blocks creativity is not dealing with our negative feelings like loneliness, anger, frustration, sadness, etc. She said that they are a little bit like children and really just need some care and tenderness.

3PHSARK has this process called 3 Part Harmony and in part 1 you list all of your negative feelings and then, without pause, you write about why you have those feelings or what those feelings are about. It is a type of cleansing ritual.

The funny thing is that I had a very similar ritual when I was in high school. If something was bothering me I would just write and write and write. I would do a type of “feelings dump” on the page. When I was finished I would set it on fire and release it to the universe. (In case you’re concerned, we had a wood stove and I burned my letters in there, I wasn’t just randomly setting fires around the property.)

I hadn’t done this type of “feelings dump” in years. I guess once I no longer had a safe way to dispose/ burn my negative thoughts, I just kept them inside instead :(. Or maybe I got better at sharing them with friends, at one point I had a best friend that I could share anything with. And when he was gone, well, when you don’t see your best friend every day, you start to keep things to yourself.

Over the last few years I’ve kept a lot of negative feelings to myself. And instead of tending to them or letting them out or letting them be heard I ignored them or reasoned with them. Feelings don’t respond well to reason. Yesterday, I released them.

When I first started writing I talked about sadness and loneliness and frustration but once the topic turned to anger, the tears started flowing. Boy, was I angry. I had no idea I was so angry. I’ve had some challenges but I thought I was dealing with them and getting past them. But it was great to get those feelings out. I felt physically lighter afterwards.

Once I was finished writing I folded up the paper, addressed it to God and the universe, signed it love Gwen, and burned the paper in a tin can on my deck. It was cathartic and cleansing and if it can help get my creativity flowing, I’m on board. Of course it is not a one trick pony, you have to keep doing it, you have to keep looking after your feelings and listening to them and letting them out. Tomorrow there may be new ones or the same ones. They still need to be heard until they don’t.

So for a while I will try to create a daily ritual but eventually I am hoping that it will be a less frequent occurrence.

How do you let your feelings out? Do you share them with someone special? Do you journal? Do you shout them from the rooftops? I’d love to hear your process.

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