Taking on 2013 and hoping to revitalize my life

Posts tagged ‘dating’

Just the Right Amount of Mean

Sven recently told me I was mean. He also said that luckily he liked mean. At first, that didn’t make me feel better. Who wants to be called mean? No one!


But after some consideration, I guess I am a little mean. I have never used that word to describe myself before, nor has anyone else, but my sisters and I do have this running gag about who is the evilest of the 3 of us. I mean, obviously it isn’t me, but on some level I guess I could be seen as a bit mean.

We call each other evil because we like to give each other a hard time. We tease each other. I also give my kids a hard time sometimes. But it is all because I like them a lot. I guess I sometimes give people I like a hard time.

Sven has defined this as mean. It’s not my favourite word choice but I’ve come to terms with it. I feel that he often makes poor word choices when it comes to me. In fact, shortly before we broke up, he told me that he was dreading our date and then tried to take it back as he didn’t mean it. Once that word was out, I didn’t feel like it was something you could take back. I have since forgiven him for that incident but it was definitely an example of a poor choice of words.

Sven tried to explain mean to me. He said I was clear, direct and didn’t take any BS. All of which are true. However, I personally, would not have grouped them all together to define mean.

Oh well. I may not like the terminology but I’ve decided that I am ok with the whole thing. I guess partly because Sven said I was ‘Just the right amount of mean.’ Apparently that’s a compliment.

Cheers to Fantastic Weekends!

Sven and I spent the weekend together. It was pretty fantastic actually.

On Friday night we went out to dinner and then a play. On Saturday we walked around town enjoying the beautiful weather, hung out and talked. During the conversation, it came out that once upon a time he found my blog…. and read some of it. (Just now, I went through some of my old dating posts and most of the recent ones are me complaining about Sven. Oops. I mean things weren’t all bad, we just had a LOT of communication issues.) Hopefully, he isn’t holding anything against me, it doesn’t appear that way. He said he hasn’t read any since January.

Once I learned that he had read some of my blog, I decided that we should talk about some things before he just happened to read some more of my blog. Basically, I was feeling pretty crappy about how many times I wrote about breaking up with him and I also felt concerned with how he would feel about my posts on Dan.

I prefaced the conversation with the reassurance that Dan and I are not getting back together. (In fact, I haven’t talked to Dan since the break up and I unfriended him on Facebook. I wasn’t interested in all of his posts on which cars are for sale.) Then I told Sven that I had been planning to break up with him since before Christmas. I tried to probe and find out how he felt about the two months of our break up. He didn’t really want to talk about things in-depth but we started the conversation which is good. In fact, we talked about it a bit more today.

If nothing else, I feel like Sven and I are communicating better this time around. He’s not good at sharing his feelings, and neither am I, but I’m trying hard to fix that problem and so is he.

Anyway, back to the rest of the fantastic weekend… Saturday night Sven took me to an Art Battle. It was lots of fun. I think part of the fun was the good company and the wine but I enjoyed the evening immensely.

Basically the Art Battle was 4 artists painting for 20 minutes and then the crowd picked a winning painting. There were 3 of these battles and then the 3 winners painted in a final battle. The winner of the finale won $100 and the chance to compete in the regionals in June.

When it was all said and done, Sven actually bought one of the paintings. (The one with the yellow background and green buildings.) We are going to try to go to the upcoming Regional Art Battle. The painting and judging is fun and it is also a great venue for interesting people watching.

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I’m pretty happy with the way things went this weekend. And both of us are looking forward to Vancouver. I think we’ll have a fantastic trip too!

Benefactor of Craziness

So Sven is coming to Vancouver with me. It’s true. I still find the whole thing surprising.

Here’s what happened:

When I started hanging out with Sven again (about 2.5 weeks ago) he told me he was planning a trip to Vegas with friends in June. The plan was to go with a couple and a single friend and the four of them would hang out. I was a little jealous at first as Sven was planning on going on a trip and I wasn’t, that was, until I planned my own adventures, then I got over it.

Anyway, yesterday he asked me if I wanted to go to Vegas too.  I was a little suspicious so I asked if he was feeling a little third-wheelish. He said he was since the single friend was now inviting someone to come. However, he assured me that he wanted to hang out with me and that we would have fun. After a little texting back and forth I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and asked him when the trip was. Unfortunately, the dates corresponded to some of the time my ex is out-of-town so I couldn’t go. He seemed genuinely disappointed.

So half-seriously I told him he should ditch his friends and come with me to Vancouver. Surprisingly, his interest was immediate and 40 minutes later he had booked his ticket!!!

Now, picture me with my mouth gaping open in astonishment.

I’m sure we’ll have a great time and I don’t regret asking him for a second but I was not expecting him to say yes and certainly not so quickly. His reasoning is that he has decided to do more crazy things these days. So I am the first benefactor of his craziness and I get a travel companion for my trip. I’m pretty excited!

I really think we’ll have a great time. Neither of us has been to Vancouver before and both of us really want to go. Seems like a recipe for good times to me.

Woo hoo, I’m 45!

I had my birthday over the weekend. Woo hoo, I’m 45!

I don’t feel 45. I wonder if people ever feel their age as they get older. I suppose, on those days when you are creakier than others you probably do. But for me, I still feel like I’m in my 30s.

Some of my friends were organizing a girls night out and it was just the thing I needed on my birthday weekend! The 8 of us had a fantastic time and it was so great to see all of them. We chatted and laughed and drank, it was just what the doctor ordered. My drink of the evening was a waterfall martini and my friend Jess felt the need to keep buying me more. Thanks Jess!!IMG_20140321_224504

And apparently when you are drinking lots of martinis, you feel the need to take bathroom selfies and send them to old boyfriends, lol. Oh well, at least I look pretty good for 45.

So what did I get for my birthday other than lots of martinis?

I got myself new boots and recycled an old boyfriend for my birthday. Sven and I went out a couple of times earlier in the week as friends but last night we went on our first date again. It was good, I like him. Is he a perfect match for me? I doubt it, but maybe we’ll be able to be better together this time. He was on his best behaviour last night and is really trying to make up for some of our previous misunderstandings.

I’m allowed to have fun, I’m not dead yet. I’m only 45.

It Takes a Long Time to REALLY Get to Know Someone

I thought I was a pretty good judge of character. I thought I had a pretty good idea of who Dan was as a person. But this break-up has been an eye opener.

This man told me on a regular basis how much he really liked me. He texted all the time. Drove that 2.5 hour drive way more than I did. Met my kids and I met his. And yet the break-up seemed so out of character with what I would have expected.

He told me before that he was non-confrontational. But this is at a level I have never seen before. So that leads me to believe that it could be one of two things. One, he is so devastated by not being able to deal with the long-distance part of things that he can’t bear to see or talk to me again because it just hurts too much or two, the whole relationship wasn’t really real and now he just wishes I would go away.

They are just such extremes I’m not sure which one it is. Or perhaps it is something that I’m not even aware of now that I have learned that communication is not his strong suit. He could be harbouring any kind of reason that I know nothing of.

I talked to him on Monday night. I’m quite sure the only reason he called me was out of guilt. I haven’t contacted him again until today. I sent him a text to tell him I was going to his town for work. I am, next Tuesday. I asked him if he wanted to see me because I still would like to talk face-to-face. He texted me to tell me he was busy with the kids and would text me later. Later just didn’t come. So obviously I have my answer, he does not want to see me.

This is all just a little hard on my head. Like I said, I thought I knew who he was and I never would have expected this kind of treatment from him. A little bit of common courtesy would have been nice. Anyway, I no longer want to feel like a stalker so I guess I’ll try to let it go. It’s a bit harder than I expected though.

Maybe another man would help me get over him. Did I mention that I have started talking to Sven again this week? I have, we’ve gone out to dinner. There may have been flirting. I know Sven drove me a little crazy but I laid all of my cards on the table and we had a BIG talk. We cleared the air. I don’t expect immediate perfection but I do suspect things will be good for at least a little while.

And hopefully, I’m a better judge of character when it comes to Sven. Even if we aren’t perfect for each other, I hope we’re honest.

You Really Hurt My Feelings

I finally got Dan to talk to me. I had to use guilt but it worked. I told him that he really hurt my feelings. It’s the truth, he really did.

First of all, no one likes it when someone breaks up with them, but when the person does it in such a cowardly way, in such a surprising and cowardly way, it really does hurt your feelings.

I don’t feel any better now that I have had some semblance of an explanation from Dan. He hasn’t been talking to me. He is stressed to the max about money and work and his ex and the long-distanceness of us and he let it get to him. He let it get to him in an unhealthy way that also involved shutting me out.

He made me do the dirty work of saying, “We shouldn’t see each other any more.” But I still feel like he broke up with me. I don’t think I’ll try dating long distance again. It always ends poorly.

I’ll be fine though. I didn’t believe in my heart that this could work out (well I didn’t believe it about 85% worth). I did believe that I could fall in love with Dan if I let it happen. I also saw the warning signs that he would probably break my heart in about 5 – 10 years if I let it happen so I guess it’s for the best that it’s over.

I need someone who can communicate. I’m not the best communicator myself, although I do try. But I really need someone who can talk to me. I guess everyone needs that.

I Should Have Known Better

So Dan and I broke up unexpectedly this weekend. At least it was unexpected for me.

A few weeks ago we made plans to go away this weekend. It was going to be quick little overnight but just something to get us out of town and away from everything. In fact, he told me he was going to take Friday afternoon off so he could get to my place earlier and we could leave earlier.

A couple of weeks ago, Dan and I started texting just the tiniest bit less. Then about a week ago I asked him if everything was all right as it seemed like I was hearing from him less. He said things were fine, just that he was really missing me. ‘Aw, how sweet,’ you’re thinking. And I thought that too.

We haven’t been able to connect in person for the past two weeks, the longest since we started going out. Things just didn’t come together as planned. I expected this at some point as I have tried long-distance dating before. Apparently Dan was unaware of how difficult things might be. In addition to this, I guess he had a bad week. Although I wouldn’t really know since he kind of stopped talking to me about stuff like that. I was oblivious and still thought we were going away this weekend.

On Friday morning I texted him and said, “I hope that you are still coming up tonight”. No response. At 2pm I messaged him again. This time he wrote back that he’d been really busy with work, things were going wrong and his brother wanted to come visit. I replied back and asked what that meant. No response. Then I told him I was done work and heading home. No response. Finally I texted that I wish I wasn’t talking to myself. He wrote back, “I’m sorry. I’m trying to do 6 things at once and it’s not going great.” I asked if he was still coming to my place. No response. I offered to drive to his place for the weekend instead. He gave a non-answer and basically said he was having a bad day and that his place was a mess. I read between that lines and said, “So you don’t want me to go there and you’re not coming here. Got it.” He said,”Please don’t take offence it’s just been a bad few days. I’m sorry.”

Wow! I wasn’t expecting that. Everything cancelled at the 11th hour and I had no idea it was coming. Needless to say, I took some offence. I didn’t reply then. Last night, at 1am, I replied after I hadn’t heard from him in more than 24 hours, which never happens. I basically said that I couldn’t believe that I was writing to him first and why didn’t he call me to explain what had happened since he didn’t explain it in his note.

He replied at 10:51 this morning with a sorry that he didn’t call. He explained a bit (as much as you can in a text message) that he had had a crappy week and nothing went right. Then he said that one of the hardest things is dealing with the long distance thing. He thought he would be able to handle it better but it’s been difficult. Then he said he was busy and would call later.

Let me just state that by this time I am really not happy. So I sent him a long email saying that I was a little angry that he hadn’t talked to me about what was going on. I gave him my perspective and then waited for a response. When I still hadn’t gotten a call 3.5 hours later I just decided to send the break up email. I figured why should I wait for him to do it..

My schedule is only going to get worse over the next several months since the ex is going to be travelling so much. If we can’t make the long distance thing work now, there is no way we are going to make it work two months or even one month from now.

I’m disappointed in how things turned out. I really thought that we could at least get to this summer and evaluate things then. I guess not.

Dating as a grown woman with kids is hard. Dating someone else who has kids and lives 2.5 hours away is ridiculous. I should have known better.

Parked in My Driveway

So Dan is a car salesman. This means that he has access to a lot of vehicles. It also means that he has shown up at my house driving 3 different cars in the last 2 weeks.

Lord only knows what the neighbours are thinking as sometimes these cars are parked in my driveway overnight….

My First Time Wasn’t Pretty

I decided to look up an old boyfriend on FaceBook. A discussion with Dan reminded me of him the other day so I wanted to see what he was up too, let’s call him G.

This boyfriend was from many lifetimes ago. We were both university students, we took a lot of classes together, he had a big crush on me (while I was slightly less infatuated), and he was my first. He wasn’t a good first, we were both virgins and it was very fast, but he was my first.

There’s a bit of a story surrounding this one. It’s not a pretty story. First of all, when we lost our virginity we were not actually dating anymore. We never had sex while we were dating. I wasn’t interested in having sex with G. My plan had been to save my first time for someone I was in love with. Sometimes plans don’t work out…

Anyway, we were still friends. G still liked me. I made plans to stay with him one night and we went out to party (He lived in the city, I was home with my parents for the summer). I got extremely intoxicated. He also had lots to drink. As I can still vividly recall, 20+ years later, I can see in my mind’s eye, not being able to walk down the yellow line in the middle of the road on the walk back to his place.

I have no recollection of how we ended up naked in bed together but I do recall the actual act. I do recall that it was consensual even though I was too drunk to make good decisions. And I do recall my immediate response of “that’s it?”. I also recall physically kicking him out of bed. OMG, obviously it was not a good first experience for either of us. But just wait, it gets worse.

Then, when I woke up the next day, I was pretty horrified with what had happened. So, while he was in the shower, I grabbed my stuff and bolted. Pretty much a running version of the “walk of shame”.

Back in those days, we didn’t have cell phones (how did we manage?) so I didn’t hear from him until I got back to my parent’s house at the end of the weekend. (I had plans with other friend’s for the next night.)

When he called me, I wasn’t overly gracious. I was still horrified that I had lost my virginity to someone I wasn’t dating, didn’t love and was so drunk that my decision-making skills were obviously impaired. I kind of let him have it. After several minutes of discussion that involved me exclaiming how could he not know how drunk I was, we got to the point where I said, “If we never had sex while we were dating, why would you think I wanted to have sex with you when we weren’t?”.

Needless to say, I didn’t hear from G again after that phone call.

Now, let’s get back to the present. I looked G up on FaceBook yesterday. And there he is with multiple pictures of him and his boyfriend. Yes, he is in an openly gay relationship. I mean good for him for coming out of the closet.

He had some slightly effeminate mannerisms when we knew each other but G actively pursued me so I really had no idea that he was gay. I have to wonder if our less than optimal copulation and after-effects helped crack that closet door open.

I don’t hold any ill-will towards G. I was 20 years old and my sub-conscience did not want to be a virgin any more. I met someone else that summer who I dated and had sober, consensual sex with. Several times. And I wasn’t in love with him. And he taught me some stuff ;).

But now that I know that the first guy I ever slept with is gay, it makes the whole memory and incident all the more baffling and slightly ridiculous. And for some reason it makes me smile and shake my head with disbelief. I actually felt a little bad for the way that I treated him afterwards. He obviously cared for me and I made him feel like crap. He also made a poor decision while under the influence of alcohol. 

Anyway, it was all a very long time ago and yet just a short walk down memory lane. The new information adds an interesting layer to the story. I’m almost curious enough to hear his perspective of the whole thing. Almost.

Where the Wind Takes Me

I had a great weekend. I spent the whole weekend with Dan. I was a bit nervous at first as to how things would go and they didn’t start out exactly perfect, but Saturday was GREAT! And then this morning was GREAT! So all in all, I’d say it was GREAT!

Yesterday we went on a day trip to the ocean. I’m a sucker for the ocean. Look how beautiful it was there.


The sun was shining and the view was spectacular. Giant hunks of ice in the intensely blue water and small ice fishing huts in a spot where you could barely tell the horizon from the sky.

We stopped in several spots for me to have a quick photoshoot and then we ended the day with donairs and a movie.

This morning involved lounging around, brunch and an impromptu snowball fight. He didn’t try very hard 😉

It was hard to leave at the end of the weekend for the long drive home. I really like Dan. He’s fun and grounded and we have a good time together. He’s even got me saying things like “When our kids meet…” That one caught me off guard when it slipped out of my mouth today. He feels the same way.

I feel a bit like I’m in uncharted water, but I’m not nervous. I’m just going to unfurl the sail and see where the wind takes me. Hopefully somewhere good (and fun).

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