My youngest daughter was talking to her Dad on the phone the other day and his girlfriend was with him. My daughter heard her speaking and wanted to talk to her too. After a brief chat between the two of them my daughter told her “I love you.”
I have to admit that my first reaction in overhearing this was to flinch a bit. I don’t want to say that the statement hurt, it really didn’t, I guess it just caught me off guard.
I’m not concerned that she will replace me or that my girls will love her more than me. I’m their Mom. I have a great relationship with them and they love me a lot, just like I love them a lot. I don’t have any insecurities there.
I think the issue is that my kids are having a relationship with a woman who I have never met. She has been a part of their lives for over a year now. My ex has been with her for somewhere around 2.5 years (although I don’t know the exact dates) so I don’t think she is going anywhere soon, and I have never met her.
I have never asked to meet her and he has never brought it up but I think it’s time.
I’ve looked her up on Facebook before and based on a purely physical evaluation I thought she was prettier and skinnier than me and that made me feel less than. Less than what, I’m not sure, but I guess it had to do with feeling inadequate, feeling feelings about how my ex likes her more than me. I guess that made me not want to meet her. I’ve heard about her. My kids like her and say nice things about her. She sounds like a good person.
I think it is time for me to put on my big girl panties and to meet this woman who spends so much time with my kids. I think it’s time to take another step forward and move onto new chapters of my life.
I’ve had a recurring message keep popping up during the last week or so. It’s pretty much been exclusively popping up in my Facebook news feed (so maybe that just says something about the stuff I subscribe to) but the first time I saw it, it struck a chord with me.
The first note read:
“Isn’t it beautiful that when you can finally let go of the ending of your story then you step into the new chapter of your next life?”
And then I got this today:
I think someone is trying to tell me something. (There was one other similar message a couple of days ago but I didn’t keep that one.)
The funny thing is that I thought I had moved on for the most part. If this year hasn’t been about moving on and turning the page, I’m not sure what else I can do. Unless this message is about something more recent… like Sven. My relationship with Sven is going nowhere fast. He is obviously not ready for more than his current amount of effort. And I’m not so happy with his current amount of effort…
He’s been better recently but then things happened this past week which made me unhappy again.
However, I should probably give him some slack since Christmas is a bad time of year for him. His father passed away when he was 5 and his mother didn’t deal with it well which meant Christmas kind of sucked. And then his mother passed away when he was 18, at Christmastime. So… he has reason to not be real keen on this time of year.
But I don’t think it’s just that. He’s pretty bitter about his ex and her boyfriend. He would have stayed in his bad marriage indefinitely if she hadn’t cheated on him. I think it is too soon for him to actually be in the type of relationship that I would like.
That means that I have to go back to the drawing board. I won’t break up with him before Christmas, that would just be mean. But it looks like I’ll be back to the single girl status in the New Year. At least that is how I feel today, perhaps everything will take a turn for the better in the next few weeks.
And then again, maybe my ‘new chapter’ is not about my romantic life at all. Thoughts?
My new friend, Sven, is a computer geek ;). And somehow, more than once, we have gotten on the topic of creating an iPhone app. We’ve tossed around a few ideas. Today I came up with the idea of an Affirmation App.
Here’s how it happened:
My day started out ok. I got up early and headed out to a job interview and some guy totally checked me out as I was walking down the street. Things were going well!
Then I went into the interview… At first I thought it went relatively well but by the time I was driving home I was second guessing some of my responses. Plus I reminded myself that the job was not exactly in my wheelhouse and they would probably be interviewing lots of people with better qualifications than me. In addition, remember how I got laid off 10 months ago? Well the company I worked for just did another big layoff… today. Lots of people I know. Which also means lots more people out looking for jobs. To top this all off, I had lunch with Sven (who I like) and the lunch just proved to me even more that he is not ready for any type of relationship.
So when I got home, I headed right for the chocolate covered almonds. Probably my first mistake. Then going through the multiple Facebook posts from my newly unemployed friends was my second mistake.
Do I need to say I was feeling sorry for myself??? I think that is pretty obvious at this point. In my chocolate-induced haze, I just wanted someone to snuggle with or at least reassure me that everything was going to be all right. I mean, 10th time is a charm right? 10 interviews at 10 different companies, the 10th time has to be lucky???
That’s when I came up with the idea for an Affirmation App. It could contain phrases like:
- “You have the best ideas.”
- “Damn, you look good.”
- “I believe in you.”
- “You can do it.”
- “Hang in there, things will get better.”
I’m not the only one who feels like crap about myself. This has got instant success written all over it. Ok, nobody steal my idea.
It’s already been done? Damn :(.