Not that long ago I used to be a good mother. And it wasn’t just me that thought that. My kids thought it too. Things really started to go downhill about a year ago, once those teen hormones kicked into full gear.
I know, how can I blame being a bad mother on the child? Seems pretty lame.
For some reason my kids drive me crazy faster than before. Yes, there is more bickering and yes, my oldest exudes attitude sometimes and yes, my youngest ignores my requests to get out of bed EVERY SINGLE MORNING but I should be dealing better. I should be finding better ways to cope instead of becoming Pirate Mom all of the time.
For some reason I feel a bit off-balance. Actually I’ve felt off-balance for a long time. I think part of this whole blog and year-long project revolved around finding balance in addition to the rest of it. I’ve made changes. I try to be more grateful, I try to be more positive but my kids hit my triggers faster than anyone and I shoot from the hip instead of taking a deep breath before responding.
I love them to death but sometimes I feel like I need an extended break. I feel like I need to run away. I need a little adventure.
Maybe I’m just extra cranky when I’m sick with a cold and I’ll get another chance at being a better mother next week.
Or maybe I need to head off to sea and join the rest of the pirates out there. I hear they don’t mind swearing. “Avast ye mateys.”
I was hanging out with my sister and Mom yesterday and something interesting happened. A car pulled into the yard (it’s kind of a big yard) and the people in the car just sat there looking around.
Well my sister automatically assumed that these people were disparaging the way things looked in the yard now compared to how they looked a few years ago. And my Mom kind of jumped on the bandwagon a bit by putting negative words into these people’s mouths. We had no way of knowing what these people were thinking nor did we have any idea who they were. Eventually they went on their way.
The interesting thing that happened was the thing that I said. I said “why would you assume that they are saying negative things? Maybe they are saying something nice.” My sister (who reads my blog) was pretty proud of me and the fact that I looked at things from a positive perspective. And I was pretty surprised at the fact that I didn’t just jump on the bandwagon but actually spoke up and said that there was no reason to assume they were thinking negative things, they could have just as easily been thinking something positive.
Sometimes being happier is about changing your perspective and your attitude. I really think that I have made progress in this part of my life.
I have 2 sisters. I’m very lucky as they are also my best friends.
It wasn’t always this way, growing up there were plenty of skirmishes. My older sister and I had our fair share but my younger sister and I really did not get along. There are 5.5 years between my younger sister and I and my Mom says that I resented her because I was the baby until she came along. I can neither confirm not deny that as I have no idea if that was the reason or not but I do know that we fought like cats and dogs. Things finally worked themselves out between us when I moved out at 18 and went to university.
Part of what helped us resolve things was a family crisis and another part was the space. The crisis gave us some common ground and the space allowed us to not be in each other’s hair all of the time. I’m not saying the crisis was a good thing, it wasn’t. But if I’m trying to look for the silver lining, I think that it was the beginning of a new understanding of each other.
Now the 3 of us are grown and we truly enjoy each other’s company. Even though I would consider myself an introvert, I never have any trouble talking to my sisters. I know that our shared history is a huge part of it, it means that we have similar values and definitely a similar upbringing. But not all siblings are close. I think that we just “get” each other. We accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses, we are always supportive and we love each other unconditionally. Those are key ingredients to any type of good relationship.
I’m just super lucky to have that relationship with 2 of the most important women in my life!