Taking on 2013 and hoping to revitalize my life

Posts tagged ‘get passionate’

Dreaming of Photography

I woke up this morning from an interesting dream.

In it, I had met this sexy, young Italian man at a conference that I had helped organize. We were extremely attracted to each other and became lovers. Within a few days he had fallen in love with me and asked me to come back to Italy with him. I wasn’t sure if I wasn’t falling in love with him too so I said I would for a month. I took a short leave from work, moved to Italy and stayed with him while I pursued my writing and photography. I desperately wanted to photograph him.

I’m not sure what this dream means but it was HOT, and when I woke up it made me want to find an Italian lover and move to Italy for a month, lol.

But seriously, I’ve been thinking about photography a bit more these past few days. A friend of mine told me a couple of days ago that I had an eye for it. And then when I talked to my Mom on Friday she asked me if I had been taking any pictures recently. So I dug out my camera yesterday and went to a Pow Wow to take some shots. It was my first Pow Wow and it was pretty cool. I also took a few pictures of a crow in my backyard today.

I’m not saying I’m going to become a famous photographer but I do enjoy taking pictures so I should probably do more of it. I also need to dig out my photography book to read about taking better pictures. If you’re gonna do something, you might as well figure out how to do it better than before.

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Crazy Idea

lightI got a crazy idea today. It kind of took me by surprise.

A friend of mine wrote a very erotic poem the other day. It wasn’t exactly something that I would write but it encouraged me to write some spicy haikus.

Today I was wracking my brain for a blog post idea when all of a sudden I thought that maybe I should try writing an erotic book. Those of you who know me may be wondering where the hell this idea came from or maybe you’re thinking I don’t seem like the type. But let me tell you, I like sex. I’m a sensual creature and I think that I may be able to express this on paper. I’ve already written over 500 words and it’s flowing pretty smoothly ;).

I don’t want to share anything here yet because it is an extremely rough draft but I’m kind of excited about this idea. Feeling kind of passionate even. Who knows if I can sustain this excitement for more than a few days but I’m willing to give it a shot. I finally have an idea that I really like so I’m going to go for it.

Who knows, this may be the inspiration I have been looking for :).

I AM Enough

I feel like I am always waiting to be good enough.

I’ll just read one more article on the topic before I can speak intelligently about it. I’ll just research one more piece of information before I can make a decision. I’ll just get one more opinion before I can decide if this is the right path for me.

I have never felt like the expert. I undervalue my worth, my knowledge and my experience. I know that part of this comes from being a woman. Rochelle Schieck is quoted in Lisa Bloom’s book, think, as saying,”One of the most paralyzing things for a woman is her doubt.” and I believe that for me, this is true. I’m concerned that this is coming through in my job interviews. I feel like I’m a jack of many trades and a master of none. And perhaps my insecurity leaks into my interviews when it should not. When I should be proving that I am the best candidate for the job.

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books (Photo credit: brody4)

My insecurity presents itself in other ways too. Recently, I have been mulling over book topic ideas. And again, I feel like I could write a little bit about a lot of subjects but not enough for a complete book. I know that I can always research the rest but it is nice to have a solid foundation. So I end up with a bunch of possible ideas and nothing that calls to me or presents itself as the best option. In the past I would have given up at this point, feeling overwhelmed and not up for the task.

But this month is different, at least as far as the book idea goes, for this month I am writing. I am just going to write each day on whatever topic I like. Much of this writing will become future blog posts, but I also plan to start attacking some of my book ideas by putting actual words on paper. I plan on fleshing out some stories, I plan on getting involved in the writing community that I have joined, and I plan on doing instead of thinking.

I may not know how to write a book and I may not know how to get it published but I do know how to write a sentence and that is enough for today. I AM enough and I can do this.

Possible Passions Part 2

DSC_1799I’ve been thinking about what my possible passions are for a long time now, trying to figure out what burns inside me, what compels me to wake up in the morning and reach for the stars.

After much consideration I have decided that passion cannot be sustained. For every yin there is a yang and for every up there is a down. If we were to live in a type of sustained passion for an extended period of time, we would burn out. Or if we did manage to sustain a high level of euphoria, eventually that would become our new normal and we would again be seeking some kind of new high.

People are adaptable. Sliding down the same old waterslides, riding the same old rollercoasters, and doing the same old bungee jumps eventually becomes old hat. We adapt and experience fewer waves of excitement during repeat performances of the same old thrill rides.

So what I have discovered is that although I  haven’t found anything that makes me want to shout from the rooftops, I think my passion for right now is doing exactly what I am doing: Revitalizing Me. It is really important to me and I am passionate about it in my own way. I also feel that if I go off on another tangent, I will lose my focus here and I don’t want to do that.

But I didn’t make this decision lightly. I made lists, I did some research and for awhile I thought that perhaps I could do a blog about being a Single Mom and all of the things associated with that…  I mean I am passionate about being a Mom, I’m always hanging out with my kids, talking about them and trying to be the best Mom I can (although some days are better than others). But I couldn’t really gather any enthusiasm to move it forwards. I’m a somewhat private person and although I air lots of my thoughts and feelings here, I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it about my kids. So after all of that thinking I just decided to focus on what I am already doing, here at Revitalizing Me.

As for all of the lists that I originally came up with, well some of those items have been incorporated into the 52 Actions section of this project. I decided not to make them into more than they were, which is stuff I like to do on occasion or small plans I’d like to try out. Hopefully I will accomplish some of them before the end of the year.

All in all, I guess I had already discovered a new passion without even realizing it. Passion doesn’t always have to burn brightly, sometimes it smoulders in the background, sometimes igniting a burst of flames but sometimes just producing steady heat.

Getting a Grip on Life

Eat,_Pray,_LoveA movie needs to speak to me for me to watch it more than once. I just watched Eat, Pray, Love for the third time. I fell in love with the book when I read it and I loved the movie as well.

I know not everyone feels that way about the story but it resonated with me when I first read it because I was newly separated from the same man for the second time. Things were raw and I was hurting. I could feel the pain of the broken hearts. And I think that is when I first started going down the road of spirituality again. I was trying to find myself in the broken bits that were left.

Flash forward three years and I’m still trying to find myself, although slightly less broken. In the beginning of the movie her boyfriend tells her to stop waiting which is when she makes a bold choice to travel the world. I feel like I am waiting. I’d love the luxury of being able to take off for a year and go somewhere exotic, however, I have two kids that I would miss so much my heart would feel like an open wound so I am forced to try and find myself here in the suburbs. I actually think the familiar surroundings are not that much help though. I feel like I am lulled into some sense of innate immobility. I feel like I am waiting for inspiration to strike like a bolt of lightning and it still has not.

I know I am making some slow progress in my life but I feel like things should be changing more quickly. Perhaps I need a bigger quest, a bigger motivator. Perhaps I just need to make a decision and move forward whether it is the right decision or not.

Another thing that struck me this time as I watched the movie was how they talked about balance. Not that long ago, I used to say that life was all about balance and I thought that I had some. Let me tell you, I haven’t felt balanced in a long time. I’m not really sure what is all that different now or how I lost my balance. You would think that with all of this thinking that I do that I would have a better grip on life. Lol. I guess I need to keep working on it.

Possible Passions

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I’ve said before that I’ve lost my passion, so I need to try to find a new one that is just for me and doesn’t revolve around my kids.

I’m good at thinking, to the point of over-thinking sometimes… I’m not so good at taking actions on my ideas. So my plan is to organize some of my thoughts and see if I can dig into my interests. I figure if I can get them out of my head and in written format they will become more tangible and actually plausible.

This isn’t a definitive list, it is a bit of a brainstorming session, so it could change in the future, but it’s nice to have a starting point. These 3 lists are based off of my action plan for the week (see how it’s good for me to have simple goals?).

Things that I really enjoy doing, learning about or could be passionate about:

  1. Thrift Shopping
  2. Positive Psychology
  3. Badminton
  4. Making smoothies 🙂
  5. Photography
  6. Travel
  7. Writing
  8. Going to the Beach
  9. Scrapbooking
  10. Yoga
  11. Tubing/ Waterslides
  12. Planning kids birthday parties

Things that I have thought of doing but haven’t:

  1. Hosting a giant scavenger hunt
  2. Organizing some kind of mixer for singles
  3. Writing a children’s book
  4. Writing a dating adventures book
  5. Participating in a flash mob, lol
  6. Searching for waterfalls
  7. Learning to crochet
  8. Video blogging

Online projects that I have thought of but not pursued and list valid reasons for not doing them:

  1. Dating adventures blog – thinking about this more these days but I would need to get people to tell me their stories, I can’t write them all from my experience.
  2. Selling second hand stuff online – there are more sites out there than I expected when I did the first little bit of research, still haven’t fully ruled this out but stopped looking at it for some reason.
  3. Marketing blog – I have experience with this one but feel like there are tons of great resources out there already.
  4. A blog about living within your budget – I have the experience to write this one but sometimes feel like this area is saturated and may not be the best area to choose.
  5. A blog about mind training/ positive psychology – I really am only a beginner in this area so not confident with how far I could take this.
  6. How to be Social for the Anti-Social- I didn’t really explore this one fully, not sure if it is a viable subject and not sure what I would blog about.

(These reasons may or may not be valid but they are why I haven’t done anything yet. )

So what’s the next step here?

I think I need to really spend some time considering what to do with this information. As I’m unemployed I’ve been tossing around the idea of starting something up online (as you can see by the 3rd list). I think maybe I should take these lists and play with them this week. Cut ideas out, possibly add some more, and see if I can come up with one realistic project. A project that could be viable as an online income because I think that’s really where I want to go but have been afraid to try it.

Btw, I took that picture above and added some text to it. It’s actually a picnic table that is on fire and I think it’s a pretty cool pic.

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