Taking on 2013 and hoping to revitalize my life

Posts tagged ‘happiness’

Hung-over From Vancouver Jet Lag

Apr 27 - I'm grateful to be heading to Vancouver!!

Apr 27 – I’m grateful to be heading to Vancouver!!

Last week was pretty spectacular!! On April 27th, Sven and I jetted off to Vancouver. Actually, the first plane we took had propellers but it was still pretty exciting to be heading out West.

Our first flight was delayed which meant we missed our connector but that did not dampen our spirits. We still managed to make it to Vancouver in the same day so everything was good (even if it did feel like 4am by the time we got to the hotel).

The next day was a vacation day, woo hoo!! Sven and I stumbled forth from our hotel room and went to awesome Stanley Park where the trees were in bloom and the grass was green and it felt like Spring. We walked and took a horse drawn carriage and saw totem poles and went to the aquarium.  DSC_0831DSC_0848DSC_0840DSC_0880

It was just an all around great day. By the afternoon, the sun came out in full force and we were able to take off our coats while watching the water antics of the beluga whales and dolphins.

After a day filled with walking we needed to find something to eat. And what better thing to eat than sushi in Vancouver? Sven pulled out his iphone and asked Siri where we should eat that was close by and inexpensive. She pointed us to Sushi Mart. It was just a tiny place that didn’t look like much but it had a line up out the door by the time we left. Thanks Siri.

IMG_20140428_184406On day 2 I had to go to work 😦

I went to my work conference after breakfast with Sven and then he was on his own. The conference wasn’t too bad and I think I did a pretty OK job of networking. I came home with quite a few business cards so I’m satisfied with my performance 😉

IMG_20140430_134405 Tuesday evening was a networking event. It was fine, I stayed for a couple of hours and then snuck out about half an hour before it was over. They had a few fun things there like a photo booth, a guy doing caricatures and some video thing. I had my caricature done and I have to say, I think it looks a lot like me. Plus, I’m fairly skinny in it so I think it’s my favourite picture of me, lol.

Wednesday was more work but afterwards Sven and I went for a walk. I told him there was a beach on one side of Stanley Park and I wanted to go there. His phone gallantly provided directions and I was able to put my toes in English Bay. I’m sure it was pretty polluted but I wasn’t the only one in the water. After the beach we headed back towards the hotel and stopped for dinner in a pub. We were lucking out with the food so far as everything was delicious.

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On Thursday the conference ended early and Sven and I set off for Chinatown. One minute everything was lovely and the next minute we were in a pretty sketchy area. Luckily we turned a corner and things got better again. We went to Dr. Sun Yet-Sen’s Classical Chinese Garden and then had Vietnamese food for dinner. My friend Jess recommended the restaurant so it was a winner yet again.

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Check out the fish Sven ordered! It was totally not what either one of us was expecting and once it arrived I could not stop laughing. It was so funny when Sven was cutting into it. But even with the head still on, we persevered and ate it. It was excellent!

On Friday we boarded a bus and went to the Capilano Suspension Bridge and Grouse Mountain. Sven backed out of the ziplining but we still had a good time. I think Capilano was my favourite part of the trip; the big trees in the coastal rainforest, the smell of nature. It was very nice. The swaying suspension bridge was not so nice and caused me some stress on the way over it, but I sucked it up and went anyway. You only live once and it was part of our Vancouver adventure.

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For dinner we went to a Greek restaurant (also great food) and then took the seabus to Vancouver North. It wasn’t exactly the boat cruise that I wanted to take but it was the only substitute I could manage. (I thought we might take a boat cruise on our first day but it was too chilly for most of the day.) On the north side of Vancouver we found a small market close to the ferry terminal. Unfortunately we ate too much Greek food to partake in any of the edibles from the food trucks but it was still pretty cool.

Finally we crashed in the hotel and flew out on Saturday morning.

Overall, it was a big success. Sven and I walked and walked and walked, and we ate gelato 3 times, and we had a favourite breakfast place, and it was warm enough to wear shorts on more than one day, and we just hung out and enjoyed each other. It was a great trip and I didn’t want to come home.

In fact, it’s Wednesday and I’m still a little hung-over from Vancouver jet lag.

Still Being Grateful

I have been such a slacker with the blog.

I have done some writing but it was on my novel and even that has not been as much as I would like. I don’t seem to have much time for the blog these days. But perhaps we should just blame that on Candy Crush and move on. “Hi, my name is Gwen and I’m addicted to Candy Crush.” It’s a sad, sad thing to say out loud. Eep!

Anyway, now that I have chastised myself, let’s talk about what I have been doing. I have still been doing the 365 days of gratefulness thing. It’s actually fairly easy to find things that I am grateful for every day. The tricky part is either remembering to take a picture or sometimes you can be grateful for stuff that can’t really be photographed.

For example, I’m still not in the practice of always being grateful for the thing while it is happening. I often do a little recap at some point during the day and if that thing is long past, it can’t always be photographed. Or sometimes you can be grateful for music or warm breezes or something that is difficult to capture by photo. So even though it is slightly trickier than I originally thought, it is still totally do-able and I am happy to report that I am doing it.

I hope that some of you are doing it too!

That’s it, that’s the whole blog post. Just a recap more than anything else. I will try to write more, I promise!

A Change of Pace in Dating

So Dan and I have seen quite a bit of each other in the last week and a half. (Surprising since he lives 2 hours away from me.) I don’t see how we can sustain the frequency though. But I have decided that I would rather spend some time missing someone I really like than breaking up with him and not having anyone to miss.

Yup, I said it. I really like him. And he really likes me. However, he is insecure about me. He keeps thinking I’m going to tell him that I’m not interested. I guess I’m to blame. I told him right from the start that long distance dating doesn’t work for me. And then I also told him that I haven’t dated anyone for longer than 5 months since the end of my marriage. Perhaps there is such a thing as too much honesty. But what it the point of not telling?

So whether it is what I’ve said or whether he is just insecure or a little bit of both, now I have to try to reassure him that I do like him. I don’t mind though. And hopefully, this is just a phase. Although he did tell me that at around 4.5 months he’s going to start worrying.

Dan and I have really connected. I have not felt this way about anyone in a long time. And apparently everyone is teasing him at work that his feet haven’t hit the ground since he met me. I think he’ll probably meet my kids soon. I can’t really avoid it if I want to see him lots, and I do. It’ll be a bit longer before I meet his. They’re quite a bit younger and I won’t be going to his place as much as he comes here but I’m quite sure I’ll meet them at some point.

This is so different for me. I’m not used to dating someone where I can see a potential future. It’s a nice change of pace. Oh, and by the way, I deleted my profile off the online dating site. I don’t think I need it any more. At least not for now, lol.

The Wisdom I’m Bringing Into 2014

2013What a year 2013 has been for me. 

I have always wanted to blog, and guess what? I did it. I blogged for a whole year, 198 blog posts in 2013. Wow!!

And during this blogging adventure I have learned some new things, changed the way I look at some things and really made progress towards living a happier life by myself. Recently, I participated in a Winter Solstice Ritual and because of that I’ve taken a quick review of 2013 (and by quick review, I mean I took 3 days to read every single one of my blog posts). From this review I have taken stock of some of the wisdom I’ve gleaned and will carry forward into 2014 with me.

The whole year was not one big ray of sunshine but I’m starting 2014 with some positive energy and personal strengths that will serve me well in the new year. So here is the Wisdom I’m Bringing into 2014 (and there is a lot of it, 52 weeks worth):

  1. You CAN choose your thoughts – once upon a time I didn’t think this was true and just let my thoughts get carried away on tangents that weren’t all that healthy. Now I know that by simply acknowledging the thoughts and redirecting them, you can change your thinking. It’s a powerful tool that I am happy to have discovered.
  2. Micro-movements or baby steps are the key to success – I have often felt overwhelmed by big tasks and then avoided them or told myself that I couldn’t do them. But this blog is proof that micro-movements can turn into big things. 198 blog posts weren’t written in one day and if I had thought I needed to write 198 blog posts on Jan 1, 2013 I may have given up before I started, but one post at a time brought me to post 199 which I’m writing today :). And SARK has helped me realize that you can break your steps down into tiny, little movements if they aren’t small enough the first time.
  3. Perspective can help you stay positive – not every day is a  bowl full of cherries, but my life is pretty good in the big scheme of things. I have a nice place to live, a regular income, 2 great kids and I’m pretty healthy. Lots of folks don’t have any of those things.
  4. Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends when you need someone to talk to – this one is pretty self-explanatory.
  5. Personal change takes time and effort – change is often not a quick option, it takes practice and effort and commitment.
  6. Take the time to review what you have accomplished – often we are quick to say that we haven’t done anything in our lives but if you really think about it you will find that that isn’t true at all. Sometimes we need reminders.
  7. Be generous – sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives that we forget to help others. It doesn’t take much effort to be nice or lend a helping hand or to donate to a worthy charity. Be generous with your words, thoughts and actions, it helps make the world a better place.
  8. It’s OK to look after yourself – for many years I put my kids first and ignored doing things for myself. This really isn’t good for you. It’s important to pursue your own happiness and joy. No one can live your life for you.
  9. Live in the Now – be present for your experiences. Spend less time regretting your past and worrying about your future. Focus on the beauty that is your life right now.
  10. Always take time for fun – plan fun activities. Plan silly and crazy activities. Plan outrageous activities. Plan adventures. Plan outings. Plan trips. Plan picnics, photo shoots, trips to the beach, walks in the woods, scavenger hunts. Then do them all!!
  11. Confidence, intelligence and a positive attitude is sexy – ‘nuf said.
  12. Unplug – take time to get outside and enjoy nature, your electronic devices will still be there when you get back.
  13. Finding your Passion may be surprising when you really get down to it – I expected my passion to be surrounded by excitement and fervour, it turned out that it was more of a thought that kept trying to get noticed but got pushed back down by “I can’t” and “later”.
  14. Make an effort to keep in touch with friends – they became your friend for a reason in the first place.
  15. Not all friendships are meant to last forever – some people are just passing through your life and teaching you lessons along the way.
  16. Make memories – spend time with friends and families, go on adventures together. The memories are worth more than material items.
  17. I’m ready for a real relationship – I haven’t found that person yet, but I’m no longer scared of making plans with someone or discussing the future. It seems more plausible now than a year ago.
  18. Some things may seem scary and hard but we can do them if we keep trying – perseverance, practice and dedication to a goal is important and when you are on the verge of giving up, try a new approach.
  19. People Will Treat You the Way that You Allow Yourself to be Treatedthis one took a couple of lessons and I’m not 100% sure I have learned it yet. Hopefully it will sink in soon.
  20. Never use the words “We need to talk” – it only makes people jump to bad conclusions.
  21. I like walking – walking makes me thankful for my strong legs. I’m looking forward to more walks in the Spring.
  22. Eating healthier and moving more will make you healthier.
  23. I am enough – I’m smart, I have skills and talents, I’m lovable and I am enough.
  24. Even negative things can have positive aspectslike being unemployed.
  25. Over-thinking causes more issues than it solves – I’m an over-thinker, is there a support group for that? Living more in the present helps with this but it is a learning process.
  26. Secrets can hold us back – let them go, it will lessen their grip on you.
  27. Negative feelings don’t respond to reason – let them pour forth and release them to the universe, you don’t need to be their caretaker.
  28. Sometimes what you ask for shows up in a different form than expected – embrace it and be thankful.
  29. Your inner-wise self has answers – ask her questions, ask her for help and have her write you love notes.
  30. Expressing your words is a form of success – speak up, be heard, write, and be happy that you have written.
  31. I’m creative and imaginative – it often sneaks up on me and I don’t even notice.
  32. I should proof-read my blog posts more – ther seem to be severl typos.
  33. Always move forward – onto new and better chapters.

That is an impressive amount of wisdom for one year! I’ll have to come back and visit this post often to remember what I’ve learned.

Old Boyfriends and New Miracles

I reached out to an old boyfriend today.

I’ve thought of him many times over the past 5 years. I’ve thought about how my life would have been different if I had made the decision not to try to work things out with my husband. I don’t think my old boyfriend and I would still be together even though he was in love with me. I was still in love with my ex-husband and I think that would have been hard on a new relationship. Or maybe I’m wrong, maybe my boyfriend’s love would have healed my heart sooner. Maybe his love was strong enough to sustain us until I was ready to move on.

It doesn’t matter though. I chose my ex-husband and broke my boyfriend’s heart.

When I messaged him today, it wasn’t to try to re-kindle an old flame, although I wouldn’t have been opposed to getting to know each other again. I just wanted to know how he’s doing. I wanted to see if he had found someone new and was happy. You see, I only have fond memories of him and I was just hoping that he’s found happiness.

It turns out that he has, but he also still holds some negative feelings towards me. Eep. I was hoping we could be friends at this point in our life but that is not to be.

I think the reason that I reached out to him is that I have men that I have dated and have broken up with asking me out again even though it didn’t work out for some reason or another. It just got me thinking about this ex and wondering what had happened to him. We didn’t break up because there was a conflict, we broke up because I decided to get back together with my ex-husband. Things were going great with the boyfriend prior to that decision.

Dating is hard. So I guess that is why I had someone who I used to date ask me out again today. I had to tell him no, that we weren’t a good fit, so we decided to be friends instead, but he isn’t the first guy to do this. As a matter of fact, he is the third guy this year that I used to date before asking me out again even though we broke up. And there are also 2 other guys that I told after meeting them once that I only want to be friends with them but they keep hinting for something more.

You’d think this would be good. I’m flush with men so what is so damn hard? The problem is that they aren’t the right men. I just need one guy who is the right guy. That is the hard part.

So I’m wishing for a miracle in 2014. A love miracle. And I need you guys to send some positive vibes out into the universe for me. I’m looking for a reciprocal, romantic, loving relationship. One where I love him and he loves me.

That sounds reasonable, right? So help a girl out. Help me manifest my new love in 2014. He doesn’t have to be perfect, he just needs to be perfect for me.

Here’s to New Chapters

I’ve had a recurring message keep popping up during the last week or so. It’s pretty much been exclusively popping up in my Facebook news feed (so maybe that just says something about the stuff I subscribe to) but the first time I saw it, it struck a chord with me.

The first note read:

“Isn’t it beautiful that when you can finally let go of the ending of your story then you step into the new chapter of your next life?”

-Kristine Carlson

And then I got this today:

move on

I think someone is trying to tell me something. (There was one other similar message a couple of days ago but I didn’t keep that one.)

The funny thing is that I thought I had moved on for the most part. If this year hasn’t been about moving on and turning the page, I’m not sure what else I can do. Unless this message is about something more recent… like Sven. My relationship with Sven is going nowhere fast. He is obviously not ready for more than his current amount of effort. And I’m not so happy with his current amount of effort…

He’s been better recently but then things happened this past week which made me unhappy again.

However, I should probably give him some slack since Christmas is a bad time of year for him. His father passed away when he was 5 and his mother didn’t deal with it well which meant Christmas kind of sucked. And then his mother passed away when he was 18, at Christmastime. So… he has reason to not be real keen on this time of year.

But I don’t think it’s just that. He’s pretty bitter about his ex and her boyfriend. He would have stayed in his bad marriage indefinitely if she hadn’t cheated on him. I think it is too soon for him to actually be in the type of relationship that I would like.

That means that I have to go back to the drawing board. I won’t break up with him before Christmas, that would just be mean. But it looks like I’ll be back to the single girl status in the New Year. At least that is how I feel today, perhaps everything will take a turn for the better in the next few weeks.

And then again, maybe my ‘new chapter’ is not about my romantic life at all. Thoughts?

A Message from my Inner-Wise Self

SARK

SARK

I watched a video from SARK, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, you can find it on her website AwakenWithSark.com. She promises to help me (and anyone else who watches her videos) to connect with my (their) personal power. I haven’t read any of her books but my sister has so I decided why not, what have I got to lose?

I recommend watching it. Maybe you won’t believe that you can connect with your inner-wise self, maybe you won’t even believe that you have one. But I believe that I have something inside of me that can help me. I believe that I can access an inner peace and inner joy if I can find the right key. I believe that I can live a life of passion and worth. I seem to be having trouble finding the key though. I’m hoping that her program will help me.

The big thing that she has you do during this video is write a note to yourself from your inner-wise self. Recently, yesterday as a matter of fact, I had a bit of a revelation that I often don’t feel like I am enough. I don’t feel like I know enough or am smart enough, I don’t feel like I am talented enough, I don’t feel like I am skinny enough, attractive enough, nice enough. I don’t feel like I am enough. I try to quiet my inner self critic but it doesn’t always work. So today I am enlisting the help of my inner-wise self to help me silence my inner self critic. Here is the letter my inner-wise self wrote to me:

Ah, my beauty, I miss you and love you. You are enough! Even when you feel less than, know that you are enough. You are beautiful and wise and you can do whatever you want to do. Don’t be afraid to shine, don’t be afraid to expose your inner thoughts and beauty. Those who love you like I do love every part of you and they will always be there. You are not alone. I am with you, in your heart, soul and spirit. I am your hand to hold when you need it. Embrace me like I do you. For you are enough.

I’m looking forward to the follow-up videos. They promise to help me find my creative dream courage. They promise to help my creativity flow. I would like that. And I would like to find my personal power for I seem to have lost it along the way.

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