I feel like I am always waiting to be good enough.
I’ll just read one more article on the topic before I can speak intelligently about it. I’ll just research one more piece of information before I can make a decision. I’ll just get one more opinion before I can decide if this is the right path for me.
I have never felt like the expert. I undervalue my worth, my knowledge and my experience. I know that part of this comes from being a woman. Rochelle Schieck is quoted in Lisa Bloom’s book, think, as saying,”One of the most paralyzing things for a woman is her doubt.” and I believe that for me, this is true. I’m concerned that this is coming through in my job interviews. I feel like I’m a jack of many trades and a master of none. And perhaps my insecurity leaks into my interviews when it should not. When I should be proving that I am the best candidate for the job.
My insecurity presents itself in other ways too. Recently, I have been mulling over book topic ideas. And again, I feel like I could write a little bit about a lot of subjects but not enough for a complete book. I know that I can always research the rest but it is nice to have a solid foundation. So I end up with a bunch of possible ideas and nothing that calls to me or presents itself as the best option. In the past I would have given up at this point, feeling overwhelmed and not up for the task.
But this month is different, at least as far as the book idea goes, for this month I am writing. I am just going to write each day on whatever topic I like. Much of this writing will become future blog posts, but I also plan to start attacking some of my book ideas by putting actual words on paper. I plan on fleshing out some stories, I plan on getting involved in the writing community that I have joined, and I plan on doing instead of thinking.
I may not know how to write a book and I may not know how to get it published but I do know how to write a sentence and that is enough for today. I AM enough and I can do this.