Taking on 2013 and hoping to revitalize my life

Posts tagged ‘mental health’

My Life Needs More Adventure

What would happen if I got on a plane tomorrow? What would happen if I called in sick and told my ex I needed him to take the kids for the weekend? What would happen if I just ran away for a few days?

Somewhere warm and tropical and away from here. Just me and a beach and a good book. Maybe some fruity cocktails.

I bet the world wouldn’t fall apart. I bet life would just keep ticking on. Tick, tick, tick.

I wish I was going to do it. But I’m pretty sure I won’t. I’m pretty sure I’ll go into the office just like every other day. My life needs more adventure.

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Still Being Grateful

I have been such a slacker with the blog.

I have done some writing but it was on my novel and even that has not been as much as I would like. I don’t seem to have much time for the blog these days. But perhaps we should just blame that on Candy Crush and move on. “Hi, my name is Gwen and I’m addicted to Candy Crush.” It’s a sad, sad thing to say out loud. Eep!

Anyway, now that I have chastised myself, let’s talk about what I have been doing. I have still been doing the 365 days of gratefulness thing. It’s actually fairly easy to find things that I am grateful for every day. The tricky part is either remembering to take a picture or sometimes you can be grateful for stuff that can’t really be photographed.

For example, I’m still not in the practice of always being grateful for the thing while it is happening. I often do a little recap at some point during the day and if that thing is long past, it can’t always be photographed. Or sometimes you can be grateful for music or warm breezes or something that is difficult to capture by photo. So even though it is slightly trickier than I originally thought, it is still totally do-able and I am happy to report that I am doing it.

I hope that some of you are doing it too!

That’s it, that’s the whole blog post. Just a recap more than anything else. I will try to write more, I promise!

It’s Still Personal Growth

Personal-GrowthMy oldest is in a cheerleading exhibition of sorts this weekend. So about a week or so ago, I texted her father and told him that he should bring his girlfriend to the exhibition so I could meet her. Yay me! He agreed, it seemed like a done deal. And I was proud of myself for taking that step.

Yesterday, I found out from my daughter that her Dad and his girlfriend broke up.

Wha?? They had been going out for over 2.5 years as far as I know. I figured she wasn’t going anywhere which was part of the reason that I should meet her. Apparently, I was wrong.

So even though I’m not going to get to meet her, it still counts as personal growth for me, right? I made the effort to try to meet her. I put out the invitation.

I’m going to go with ‘yes, it does count’, and the reason why is that I don’t think I would have made the invitation a year or so ago. That means I’ve made progress and grown as a person and that’s what I was going for in the long run.

My Head is Spinning

This has been a whirlwind of a week. The kind that both drags a little and makes your head spin at the same time.

Here’s a quick recap:

I broke up with Sven on Monday. It was actually a bit harder than I expected. He seemed fairly surprised, made a bit of an attempt to make things better but in the end I think he might have been relieved that he had one less person complicating his life. We left the door wide open for future discussions, once he gets his life together, but overall it seems to have been the right decision.

I met Dan for the first time on Monday. He drove 2 hours to see me, we went out for dinner, and then a drive (almost hit a deer) and then I kissed him good night to stop his nervous chatting. I don’t know why he was so nervous, first date jitters I guess. I wasn’t really nervous at all, probably because I have done the whole first date thing many, many times. Anyway, things went really well and we made plans for Wednesday night.

Tuesday night I played badminton – yay!!

The 2nd date with Dan (on Wednesday) also went well. We got some donairs and watched a movie at my place. He told me his life story and apparently this is the break up of his 2nd marriage – eep. In spite of him now having 2 strikes, in my 3 strike policy, we had a great time.

Dan was not the only person I had been chatting with online and I also had plans to meet someone different on Wednesday night to play pool.  However, I hadn’t heard from this other guy for several days so I just figured it was off. This happens ALL OF THE TIME  in the online dating world. You just stop hearing from people and since I hadn’t talked to the guy since the weekend, I just figured it was not happening. However, he messaged me while I was out with Dan, apparently I stood him up. Oops!

Thursday night was quiet, a nice break after my busy week so far. I called my Mom and she told me that she is going to Australia this Spring!!! Wha??? That made my head spin with thoughts that I should go to Australia with my Mom. Did I mention that Dan and I had already been discussing a get-away down South within the next couple of months? I know, who makes plans to go down south with someone they just met? They weren’t solid plans, just the beginning of discussions. Both of us are itching to go somewhere and both of us need someone to go with. However, the whole Australia thing makes me think about going there with Mom. (and maybe Dan…)

Yesterday at work, these arrived for me in the middle of our staff meeting:

bouquet

My face was so red when the CEO gave them to me. I was both shocked and pleased to say the least. No one has bought flowers for me in a very long time. Dan just earned some brownie points. 

Dan and I went out again last night and we are seeing each other again today :). I’m going to renew my passport next week. My head is still spinning and everything seems a little surreal. Things will be back to normal crazy once I get the kids back next week though.

But I need to make a decision, very soon, about a little excursion to Australia.

2014 Project – 365 Days of Gratitude

I’m starting a new project this year in addition to the blogging. It’s really an extension of things learned last year. Upon reviewing my blog, I realized that although I say what I am grateful for every evening, I don’t acknowledge what I am grateful for when it happens as much as I would like. Therefore, this project is going to help me with that.

I got the idea from 365grateful.com. The premise is to take one photo every day for a year of something that I’m grateful for. I have my phone with me all the time so taking a picture every day does not seem too taxing. I’m going to post the photos right here on my blog, also not very taxing. So in theory, I should have no problem completing this project.

I’ve only just begun and I’m already having a hard time choosing just one photo for the day. I think this is going to be a fun project that is good for the soul. You should do your own. You’ll like it :).

Here’s the first picture from Jan 1 (go check out the page):

snow on the deck

Jan 1 – I’m grateful that I’m healthy enough to shovel all of this snow off of my deck. I’m grateful that I am strong and capable.

The Wisdom I’m Bringing Into 2014

2013What a year 2013 has been for me. 

I have always wanted to blog, and guess what? I did it. I blogged for a whole year, 198 blog posts in 2013. Wow!!

And during this blogging adventure I have learned some new things, changed the way I look at some things and really made progress towards living a happier life by myself. Recently, I participated in a Winter Solstice Ritual and because of that I’ve taken a quick review of 2013 (and by quick review, I mean I took 3 days to read every single one of my blog posts). From this review I have taken stock of some of the wisdom I’ve gleaned and will carry forward into 2014 with me.

The whole year was not one big ray of sunshine but I’m starting 2014 with some positive energy and personal strengths that will serve me well in the new year. So here is the Wisdom I’m Bringing into 2014 (and there is a lot of it, 52 weeks worth):

  1. You CAN choose your thoughts – once upon a time I didn’t think this was true and just let my thoughts get carried away on tangents that weren’t all that healthy. Now I know that by simply acknowledging the thoughts and redirecting them, you can change your thinking. It’s a powerful tool that I am happy to have discovered.
  2. Micro-movements or baby steps are the key to success – I have often felt overwhelmed by big tasks and then avoided them or told myself that I couldn’t do them. But this blog is proof that micro-movements can turn into big things. 198 blog posts weren’t written in one day and if I had thought I needed to write 198 blog posts on Jan 1, 2013 I may have given up before I started, but one post at a time brought me to post 199 which I’m writing today :). And SARK has helped me realize that you can break your steps down into tiny, little movements if they aren’t small enough the first time.
  3. Perspective can help you stay positive – not every day is a  bowl full of cherries, but my life is pretty good in the big scheme of things. I have a nice place to live, a regular income, 2 great kids and I’m pretty healthy. Lots of folks don’t have any of those things.
  4. Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends when you need someone to talk to – this one is pretty self-explanatory.
  5. Personal change takes time and effort – change is often not a quick option, it takes practice and effort and commitment.
  6. Take the time to review what you have accomplished – often we are quick to say that we haven’t done anything in our lives but if you really think about it you will find that that isn’t true at all. Sometimes we need reminders.
  7. Be generous – sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives that we forget to help others. It doesn’t take much effort to be nice or lend a helping hand or to donate to a worthy charity. Be generous with your words, thoughts and actions, it helps make the world a better place.
  8. It’s OK to look after yourself – for many years I put my kids first and ignored doing things for myself. This really isn’t good for you. It’s important to pursue your own happiness and joy. No one can live your life for you.
  9. Live in the Now – be present for your experiences. Spend less time regretting your past and worrying about your future. Focus on the beauty that is your life right now.
  10. Always take time for fun – plan fun activities. Plan silly and crazy activities. Plan outrageous activities. Plan adventures. Plan outings. Plan trips. Plan picnics, photo shoots, trips to the beach, walks in the woods, scavenger hunts. Then do them all!!
  11. Confidence, intelligence and a positive attitude is sexy – ‘nuf said.
  12. Unplug – take time to get outside and enjoy nature, your electronic devices will still be there when you get back.
  13. Finding your Passion may be surprising when you really get down to it – I expected my passion to be surrounded by excitement and fervour, it turned out that it was more of a thought that kept trying to get noticed but got pushed back down by “I can’t” and “later”.
  14. Make an effort to keep in touch with friends – they became your friend for a reason in the first place.
  15. Not all friendships are meant to last forever – some people are just passing through your life and teaching you lessons along the way.
  16. Make memories – spend time with friends and families, go on adventures together. The memories are worth more than material items.
  17. I’m ready for a real relationship – I haven’t found that person yet, but I’m no longer scared of making plans with someone or discussing the future. It seems more plausible now than a year ago.
  18. Some things may seem scary and hard but we can do them if we keep trying – perseverance, practice and dedication to a goal is important and when you are on the verge of giving up, try a new approach.
  19. People Will Treat You the Way that You Allow Yourself to be Treatedthis one took a couple of lessons and I’m not 100% sure I have learned it yet. Hopefully it will sink in soon.
  20. Never use the words “We need to talk” – it only makes people jump to bad conclusions.
  21. I like walking – walking makes me thankful for my strong legs. I’m looking forward to more walks in the Spring.
  22. Eating healthier and moving more will make you healthier.
  23. I am enough – I’m smart, I have skills and talents, I’m lovable and I am enough.
  24. Even negative things can have positive aspectslike being unemployed.
  25. Over-thinking causes more issues than it solves – I’m an over-thinker, is there a support group for that? Living more in the present helps with this but it is a learning process.
  26. Secrets can hold us back – let them go, it will lessen their grip on you.
  27. Negative feelings don’t respond to reason – let them pour forth and release them to the universe, you don’t need to be their caretaker.
  28. Sometimes what you ask for shows up in a different form than expected – embrace it and be thankful.
  29. Your inner-wise self has answers – ask her questions, ask her for help and have her write you love notes.
  30. Expressing your words is a form of success – speak up, be heard, write, and be happy that you have written.
  31. I’m creative and imaginative – it often sneaks up on me and I don’t even notice.
  32. I should proof-read my blog posts more – ther seem to be severl typos.
  33. Always move forward – onto new and better chapters.

That is an impressive amount of wisdom for one year! I’ll have to come back and visit this post often to remember what I’ve learned.

Putting on Some Big Girl Panties

My youngest daughter was talking to her Dad on the phone the other day and his girlfriend was with him. My daughter heard her speaking and wanted to talk to her too. After a brief chat between the two of them my daughter told her “I love you.”

I have to admit that my first reaction in overhearing this was to flinch a bit. I don’t want to say that the statement hurt, it really didn’t, I guess it just caught me off guard.

I’m not concerned that she will replace me or that my girls will love her more than me. I’m their Mom. I have a great relationship with them and they love me a lot, just like I love them a lot. I don’t have any insecurities there.

I think the issue is that my kids are having a relationship with a woman who I have never met. She has been a part of their lives for over a year now. My ex has been with her for somewhere around 2.5 years (although I don’t know the exact dates) so I don’t think she is going anywhere soon, and I have never met her.

I have never asked to meet her and he has never brought it up but I think it’s time.

I’ve looked her up on Facebook before and based on a purely physical evaluation I thought she was prettier and skinnier than me and that made me feel less than. Less than what, I’m not sure, but I guess it had to do with feeling inadequate, feeling feelings about how my ex likes her more than me. I guess that made me not want to meet her. I’ve heard about her. My kids like her and say nice things about her. She sounds like a good person.

I think it is time for me to put on my big girl panties and to meet this woman who spends so much time with my kids. I think it’s time to take another step forward and move onto new chapters of my life.

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