Taking on 2013 and hoping to revitalize my life

Posts tagged ‘relationship’

No Decisions to be Made

Remember how recently I mentioned the guy who wanted to make an appointment for us to break up in 2 weeks? Well, he has never disappeared from my life.

The back-story is that we dated just over 2 years ago. Like I said, we could not make our schedules work and it just seemed like he was getting less and less interested. The frequency of talking was going down and eventually we broke up. About a year after we broke up, he emailed me and said he had been reading some of our final emails and wanted to apologize for the way things ended with us – When you are trying to have a relationship by email, including the breaking up part, things are bound to be a little sticky. Things didn’t end great, my feelings were a little hurt but I moved on. We had only dated a couple of months, it’s not like we were engaged.

I received the email but didn’t bother to respond. I may have still harboured some ill will but what was the point of replying one way or the other? I just decided to let it go.

Then a few months after that I ran into him in person, we chatted for a couple of minutes but both of us had kids so it was pretty short.

Then he came across my profile in online dating and sent me a note. We chatted a bit back and forth and I told him I had gotten laid off. He had heard about the lay-offs in the news so I confirmed that I was one of the many involved. A couple of days later, he sent me this comprehensive email on resume tips, job-hunting sites, lots of great info that I could use. It was extremely thoughtful. Of course, to be polite, I thanked him. We sent a few emails back and forth and that was it.

Last week, I inadvertently sent him a note through the online dating profiles. He had different pictures which were taken from really far away, there was no way I could know it was him. Anyway, we chatted a bit and he asked me to play squash. I have always wanted to play squash and never had the chance, he offered to teach me so I accepted. It just kind of came out of the blue and on the spur of the moment I said yes.

Well, of course we can’t play until December (the scheduling issue is really my fault this time) so I can’t tell you how it went yet. But I can tell you that he has since told me that he is really glad that we reconnected. He explained that the reason he broke up with me over 2 years ago was because he was too busy and he felt guilty that he didn’t have more time for me. I’m not convinced that that is 100% the whole truth but I think he may have convinced himself of that. He has also since told me that he was really attracted to me and thought we made a good couple.

Now the thing is, the 2 of us look like a great match on paper. I’m not convinced that things would play out any differently this time if I did give him a second chance though. The scheduling was not the only issue there. Anyway, I’m not making any bold moves at this point, I have a squash game in 2 weeks and that’s it for now.

Plus, I’m still dating Sven. Things aren’t overly serious with Sven and I (and not that long ago I was considering breaking up with him), but then we saw each other this past weekend and we had a very nice time.

At this point in time there are no decisions to be made. It’s a simple game of squash. I haven’t committed to anything more than that. It’s ok just to take things slowly and see how they pan out on all sides of everything.

I’m Getting Tired of Dating Again


Oh who’s kidding who, I never got NOT tired of dating. 

I hope that dating Sven and Kirk has cured me of dating guys who are obviously not ready to date even though they assure me that they are. No, Sven and I have not broken up but I’m irritated about the way things are going.

Things started to go slightly downhill just over a week ago. Sven has a work cell and we’ve been texting on that. Apparently he did NOT have unlimited texting and his bill came in. I guess it was a little high, ok very high, so that has pretty much ended the texting which means that we barely talk any more. Add that to the fact that his ex seems to be in charge of when he looks after the kids and I don’t get to see him any more either.

For example, he had the kids last weekend and he has them tonight through ’til Monday night. Yep, he cancelled our plans for tonight. (Did I mention that he was a bit on the cranky side when I saw him last night?) So he’s available next Tuesday which is my badminton night and the only night I’m busy all week. Then he has the kids again Wednesday through ’til Friday night. I’m guessing he’ll have them on the weekend too which will be 3 weekends in a row.

I don’t want to begrudge him time with his kids. My kids always come first too, but the issue is that it will be at least a week and a half until we see each other again, perhaps more, because he can’t fit me into his schedule AT ALL. And this is from a guy who doesn’t actually live with his kids, they live at his ex’s house.

If I was an outsider peering in on this whole scenario, I’d say “He’s just not that into you. I mean he cancelled tonight and can’t see you until Tuesday which just happens to be the only day you aren’t available and after that probably not until the weekend but maybe not even then…” It seems like he’s trying to tell me something.

The thing is, I don’t actually think that he is trying to blow me off. I just think that the whole phone thing was something that happened and I think that the whole kid thing is a result of him just moving into his own place at the beginning of the month. The kids are adjusting, he’s feeling guilty and the ex is running the show. In the meantime, this leaves me irritated.

I’m not even sure how to bring it up without sounding whiny. So for now I’m holding my tongue and being irritated. Probably not the best option… I’m open to suggestions if anyone has any.

The First Falling Out – More Dating Adventures

Angry Penguin

Angry Penguin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sven and I had our first falling out last night.

We’ve been seeing each other for 6 weeks but I’m not really sure you could call us a couple. I guess we fall under the category of “dating”. Neither one of us is seeing anyone else and we’ve seen a fair amount of each other in the last 6 weeks but things have been going very slow. I’m OK with that, normally I rush into things so slower is a good change of pace this time.

However this slowness does not mean that nothing is happening. Yesterday I bared a little bit of my soul to Sven and I was surprised by the response. Perhaps surprised is the wrong word, more like miffed or upset or just generally pissed off. He treated the whole thing with a kind of nonchalance or even dismissal that I didn’t appreciate. I explained why I was upset and he said that he felt like a jerk about it but I don’t feel better.

I’ve been trying to deal with my angry feelings, I wrote about them last night to try to acknowledge and release them but the positive result was short-lived. The angry feelings keep returning. I know that I will forgive him at some point but right now I’m irritated and I can’t seem to let it go. I thought that if I messaged him today and told him how I felt I could finally resolve things. He agrees that we should talk but wants to do it in person so that puts everything on the back burner.

I need to resolve this for me NOW. I don’t want to carry these angry feelings around all weekend. I need to dispel them, I need to figure out how to move past them. You would think that I would have the tools at my disposal to alleviate this anger but personal growth is hard work. I’m hoping that writing things out here will help and I think I will try meditating this afternoon. I want to have a good weekend and free myself from negativity.

Maybe some exercise will do the trick. I should go for a walk and clear my head. Time to get off the computer I guess ;).

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