Taking on 2013 and hoping to revitalize my life

Posts tagged ‘Sex’

My First Time Wasn’t Pretty

I decided to look up an old boyfriend on FaceBook. A discussion with Dan reminded me of him the other day so I wanted to see what he was up too, let’s call him G.

This boyfriend was from many lifetimes ago. We were both university students, we took a lot of classes together, he had a big crush on me (while I was slightly less infatuated), and he was my first. He wasn’t a good first, we were both virgins and it was very fast, but he was my first.

There’s a bit of a story surrounding this one. It’s not a pretty story. First of all, when we lost our virginity we were not actually dating anymore. We never had sex while we were dating. I wasn’t interested in having sex with G. My plan had been to save my first time for someone I was in love with. Sometimes plans don’t work out…

Anyway, we were still friends. G still liked me. I made plans to stay with him one night and we went out to party (He lived in the city, I was home with my parents for the summer). I got extremely intoxicated. He also had lots to drink. As I can still vividly recall, 20+ years later, I can see in my mind’s eye, not being able to walk down the yellow line in the middle of the road on the walk back to his place.

I have no recollection of how we ended up naked in bed together but I do recall the actual act. I do recall that it was consensual even though I was too drunk to make good decisions. And I do recall my immediate response of “that’s it?”. I also recall physically kicking him out of bed. OMG, obviously it was not a good first experience for either of us. But just wait, it gets worse.

Then, when I woke up the next day, I was pretty horrified with what had happened. So, while he was in the shower, I grabbed my stuff and bolted. Pretty much a running version of the “walk of shame”.

Back in those days, we didn’t have cell phones (how did we manage?) so I didn’t hear from him until I got back to my parent’s house at the end of the weekend. (I had plans with other friend’s for the next night.)

When he called me, I wasn’t overly gracious. I was still horrified that I had lost my virginity to someone I wasn’t dating, didn’t love and was so drunk that my decision-making skills were obviously impaired. I kind of let him have it. After several minutes of discussion that involved me exclaiming how could he not know how drunk I was, we got to the point where I said, “If we never had sex while we were dating, why would you think I wanted to have sex with you when we weren’t?”.

Needless to say, I didn’t hear from G again after that phone call.

Now, let’s get back to the present. I looked G up on FaceBook yesterday. And there he is with multiple pictures of him and his boyfriend. Yes, he is in an openly gay relationship. I mean good for him for coming out of the closet.

He had some slightly effeminate mannerisms when we knew each other but G actively pursued me so I really had no idea that he was gay. I have to wonder if our less than optimal copulation and after-effects helped crack that closet door open.

I don’t hold any ill-will towards G. I was 20 years old and my sub-conscience did not want to be a virgin any more. I met someone else that summer who I dated and had sober, consensual sex with. Several times. And I wasn’t in love with him. And he taught me some stuff ;).

But now that I know that the first guy I ever slept with is gay, it makes the whole memory and incident all the more baffling and slightly ridiculous. And for some reason it makes me smile and shake my head with disbelief. I actually felt a little bad for the way that I treated him afterwards. He obviously cared for me and I made him feel like crap. He also made a poor decision while under the influence of alcohol. 

Anyway, it was all a very long time ago and yet just a short walk down memory lane. The new information adds an interesting layer to the story. I’m almost curious enough to hear his perspective of the whole thing. Almost.

Another Reason Why More Sex is Good for You

Sex

Sex (Photo credit: danielito311)

I just read a Business Insider article that stated that people who have sex more than 4 times/week make more money, here’s a quote:

“Nick Drydakis, a senior lecturer in economics at Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge, England, found that those who have sex at least four times weekly made 5% more in wages than their counterparts who aren’t as lucky… sex is a ‘barometer for health, quality of life, well-being and happiness’. The economics professor says that more sex alone won’t result in a higher paycheck. However, more sexual activity may result in higher self-esteem, confidence, and overall happiness, which in turn make employees more amiable, productive, and creative.”

What does that say for people who have no jobs and are having no sex? LOL. They have low self-esteem, no confidence and are unhappy. Some days that sounds just about right.

My oldest asked me the other day, if I could change one thing in my life what would it be. I immediately said that I would like a job, then changed it to being independently wealthy so I wouldn’t have to work. But as soon as I said that then I thought that perhaps I should choose to have someone in my life. It’s hard to pick. I mean having an income means that I don’t have to live on the street but having someone in my life would be very nice, someone to share life’s ups and downs. Hopefully, soon, I will have both.

So there you go, people who have no jobs and no sex can still be hopeful. We just have to work harder to be happy and have confidence and self-esteem. Thank goodness for good friends and family.

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