Taking on 2013 and hoping to revitalize my life

Posts tagged ‘single’

“We Need to Talk” or 3 Lessons Learned

We Need to Talk My ex left a message on my phone today, “We need to talk.”. How is it that those 4 simple words can strike fear into the heart of anyone who hears them?

When I listened to that message my mind immediately went to a worst-case scenario which was that he wanted to tell me that he was getting engaged or to finalize our divorce.

Upon reflection, I want to know why that is my worst-case scenario, I mean I’m supposed to be over him, right? It’s been 12 years since we started having trouble and 3 1/2 years since we separated the 2nd time… how is this my worst fear realized? Sigh… I know that a part of me will always love him but I am so ready to move on. I’m tired of being alone and would like to have a new partner in life. A better partner, one that will stick with me to the end.

Anyway, he was not calling to tell me that. He was calling to tell me that he is having issues that are health-related in nature, nothing life threatening or that really concerns me but he thought that I should know. I offered an ear in case he wanted to talk but that’s it. Business as usual.

So based on today’s events, I have 3 lessons learned:

  1. People should not use the words “we need to talk” ever. It just makes the recipient of those words think bad things.
  2. My ex getting engaged or us finalizing our divorce is not actually a worst-case scenario for me.
  3. Sometimes my subconscious state is a little slow to catch up to my conscious state.

No Such Thing as Closure in the Dating Rat-Race

closed doorRemember the guy I went out with 4 times? We were supposed to go out again and then he cancelled at the last minute. His excuse was slightly lame but did have the potential to be real so I assumed he was telling me the truth. After 2 weeks of not hearing from him I decided to text him.  I thought that the reason I didn’t hear from him was his aversion to texting and not his aversion to me, lol.

The reason why I say that I thought he was interested was because he acted like it when we were together. We had fun when we got together and the very last time we went out, before we parted, he asked me when we could get together again. HE ASKED ME. I didn’t fawn over him, he asked me about getting together again. A couple of days later we made plans for the date that he cancelled. He seemed enthusiastic so I am not sure what happened. Perhaps he met someone else within those couple of days between our date, no idea.

Anyway, back to texting him… we exchanged some pleasantries and then me being me, I got right to my point and asked him why I hadn’t heard from him as he had seemed to be somewhat interested… I didn’t word it like that but you get the drift. Anyway, this is the first part of what he wrote back, “I’m not privy to your expectations”. Wha? Lol. Seriously, I didn’t have any expectations. I just thought that we got along well and that, in theory, we were going to go out again. I mean, last time we were together, he asked me when we were getting together again…Well now I know, based on his formal reply that there will be no future dates. I’m not heart-broken, just glad to be in the loop.

That’s the thing about dating these days, everyone complains about the BS, but the reason there is so much BS is that people just stop talking to you. There’s no “no thanks, I’m not interested” or “let’s just be friends”. People just disappear off the planet and it’s frustrating. Everyone who dates is guilty of it, including me. We don’t want to offend the other person so we just say nothing instead of creating some sense of closure. I guess I shouldn’t complain if I’m participating in the madness but I still find it frustrating.

What if Something Happened to Me?

How long would it take someone to miss me if something happened to me?

missingThat is a question that started swirling through my head last night after I got home from my waterfall hunt. I’m not feeling sorry for myself and thinking no one would miss me if I was gone. People WOULD miss me. I’ve got two kids that would cry for ages if something happened to me, and my extended family plus a few close friends would all miss me as well. I do play a role here on this planet.

But I was literally thinking “how long would it take someone to miss me if something happened to me”. Like last night when I went walking in the woods, what if I got hurt there and couldn’t access my phone… No one knew where I was, no one was waiting for me to get back. Being single and unemployed can take you off the radar a little bit.

If I was single and working and didn’t show up for work today then people would wonder where I was. But I’m not working. I’m expected to pick up the youngest from school so I guess that is when people would start to wonder what happened to me. The school would try to call and my ex would wonder what was up when the school called him because they couldn’t reach me.

I was in the woods last night at 8 pm and no one would realize I was missing until 3:15 pm today, at the earliest. 19+ hours later. That is a lot of time to be hurt in the woods with no one looking for you.

On the weeks when my kids are with me the time frame would be shorter since I’m with them in the evenings, I get them off to school in the morning, and I pick the youngest up from school in the afternoon.

But let’s extrapolate this to single people everywhere. Those that have jobs would have people looking for them at work the next day. But how hard would your co-workers look for you if you didn’t show up? I guess they would try to contact you and if they couldn’t it would raise alarms at some point. But how long would it take for the alarms to be raised? Would it be that day or the following day when you didn’t show up for work for the second day in a row? Or the third?

Now singles with no jobs, who live on their own… How long does it take someone to notice that they are missing? A day? Two? A week?

Now I know what you are thinking, surely friends or family would notice. Yes, people meet with and talk with their friends and family all the time. I meet with friends, as a matter of fact I went for coffee with a friend yesterday. But if I hadn’t shown up, would my friend have just assumed that I couldn’t make it and continued on with her day? I know she would have sent me a text, perhaps even tried to call eventually if I didn’t answer, but it wouldn’t have been an immediate alarm. And if she got distracted by the busyness of her own life she may not have even followed up again for a couple of days. I also talk to my family fairly regularly, but there is no consistent schedule of meetings with them or with my friends. It is all very haphazard.

Most single people with no jobs and who live on their own have no one checking up on them on a daily basis. No one who they check in with to say “Hey, just wanted to let you know I’m still alive”. Is this a service that is needed? Is this a niche that needs to be filled? And would anyone use it if someone created it? I’m not sure I would. But this whole issue is certainly making me think about it. What are your thoughts?

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